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Before | After

Feels like the sky is falling down

I miss Miss Kitty so much. I can't stop thinking about how terribly she died, and Blues is still so...I don't know. Different. Last night he was sleeping and made this howling noise in his sleep, which he's never done before. He got pretty sick a few weeks ago, though, so I suppose he's just different in a lot of ways. I had to take him to the vet urgently, which meant lots of $$, and his lungs were not looking good. They were concerned he has kitty asthma or heart problems, but the steroid and antibiotic shots they gave him seemed to help a lot. But he's not the same. I know how crazy that sounds, but he's not. I know some of it is health, some of it is missing Olive, some of it is that he's the solo kitty here and he doesn't have competition.

Even though I can't really afford it (I am right now having contractors in to rebuild the south wall of my house, because the siding was peeling away and the underlayer was disintegrating, and wow, talk about beaucoup bucks), I'm making my plans to go to DC again in October. It's probably the last time my friend will be there when I can visit, and then we'll head up to NYC either for one or two nights. Pretty much same thing I did last year. I had so much fun location scouting for Cap2; I won't have quite the same level of fun this time in that respect, but I've made some new acquaintances since then that I can meet up with, so that would be good. Just trying to hold on to one or two things that make me feel like I can keep going.

I'm writing, but it's hard. I just feel like it's pointless, a waste of time.

These are some pictures that black_bird_777 took of Olive a few years ago in the backyard. She was such an amazing kitty. It's hard to sleep without her purring by my head and her little head resting on my hand. Plus she had the daintiest little feet, and I miss feeling them on my back when she'd walk across me.


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Sep. 4th, 2015 01:40 am (UTC)
It's surprising how much a significant health event can change a pet; Hagrid has changed a lot with all his issues, so it seems to be much the same for them as it is for us.

Maybe the trip will be an energizing break from this craptastic summer?
Sep. 5th, 2015 06:20 am (UTC)
I sure hope so. Seems like this has been such a shit year for so many people.
Sep. 4th, 2015 02:47 am (UTC)
Aw, hon. I am so sorry. Jedi hugs. Hope Blues gets better in all respects.

Pets are a contract with heartbreak, as a writer I like said in one of her books. The older my boy gets, the more I'm aware.
Sep. 5th, 2015 06:21 am (UTC)
Contract with heartbreak is a great way to put it. Thank you.
Sep. 4th, 2015 10:33 pm (UTC)

you don't know me, but a close friend lost a furbaby of her own back in the spring and I wrote this poem for her. I thought; hoped, it might offer some comfort to you. I spotted someone else who'd lost a beloved friend recently while browsing lj, and i'll send it to them as well.

My icon is from a photo of one of three senior kittehs I adopted a couple of years ago; fair to say I can barely recall a time when they weren't around.

Poem for a cat I never met

I touch them as they snuggle; feeling tears for you
I remember friends I have lost who comforted me as they do;
feeling tears for you
I recall a Rabbit who made me cry; outwitting one of them;
feeling tears for when you made her laugh
I know they are lost; I felt lost when they died; whom I loved
I know that these three who have stolen my heart will
one day
make me feel these tears, as they feel tears
Tears I feel for you
though I never met you
I knew you because they loved you
Farewell; friend. Rest now by the fire, and sleep.

for Arline, my friend; Chloe who is still with her,
and for
GrPr. Devorgilla Morgan - Kira - 03/02/97 - 28/03/15.

Sep. 5th, 2015 06:23 am (UTC)
That is really incredibly sweet of you to share the poem with me, and to stop by and tell me about it. Your friends are very lucky to have you. ♥
Sep. 4th, 2015 11:16 pm (UTC)
I am so, so sorry about Olive. She was a beautiful girl, and even though I don't know you well, I know she brought you a lot of joy. Two weeks ago my own kitty, Emma, went outside one morning and never came home, and I miss her so much, every day, all the time. It's just a constant wave of sadness. I just wanted to reach out as someone else who misses a beloved pet to say how sorry I am for your loss.
Sep. 5th, 2015 06:27 am (UTC)
I am so, so sorry to hear about your Emma (I had an Emma, too, and Olive was the new kitty I got after I lost her and realized that I couldn't really live without a cat around). I have wondered so many times whether it would have been better to not see her destroyed body, but then it would have been like that, never knowing where she went, and I don't know if that's better--it's such a terrible feeling, praying they'll come back, and wondering how long is too long. My ex's cat was missing for two months before someone saw the poster about her and found my ex to tell him his cat was in her yard.

They are our best friends, and it's just so hard to live without them.
Sep. 5th, 2015 10:55 pm (UTC)
I can't even imagine how horrible it was to find Olive's body the way that you did, and I'm glad that I haven't seen Emma that way, but at the same time, not knowing what happened to her is terrible too. Every time I hear a strange noise outside, I have to check, because what if it's her? And it never is, and then I'm heartbroken about it all over again. Stories like what happened to your ex's cat give me hope, but I'm afraid of hoping too much, you know? Loving them is so rewarding while they're here, but it hurts so much when they're gone.
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Out of the past

May 2017

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