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But you are the one who is gone

I know I owe a lot of people responses or comments, about my previous posts and the recent fic, and I'm sorry I haven't done that. I'm just having a really hard time right now. I keep seeing Ollie's broken little body, how mangled she was and how brutally and terribly she died, and nothing really means anything right now. I found a little sleeping kitty statue to put over her grave, and some plants to plant around it, but Blues keeps going over to the spot where I put her body when I was trying to find something to wrap her in, and lying down there. And he wouldn't sit in the perch all week, maybe because she wasn't around for him to chase out of it, and he doesn't seem to really know what to do with himself. We're a pair, because I don't either.

And of course now the horrible heat wave has broken but it's too late, she's gone, but hey, don't have to open the doors to get some air in the house anymore, whatever. I'm slated to leave for Vividcon on the 4th, but I wish I wasn't going. Even though I'm traveling with my beloved killabeez, and we're going in early to Chicago and staying at a posh hotel and sightseeing, I just don't care about much of anything right now and the idea of socializing fills me with dread, plus no one's going to want to socialize with me because I'm not exactly good company right now. I couldn't ask for a better person to travel with though, and I'm sure we'll find fun things to do (plus I get to meet up with my dear devilpiglet, as well).

I'm even going to be cosplaying Rachel Duncan from Orphan Black for the dance party, along with other clone sestras, but I just…all I feel is massive depression. I have gauze and a pencil, am waiting for pajamas to arrive that I pray are going to fit, but all I could find was short-sleeve, plus I wish my hair was still blond, I'm not really going to look anything like Rachel. Still, wearing pajamas for Club Vivid will be easy.

I just miss my girl so much. I don't want to wash my sheets because all the fur where she slept will be gone. I don't want to put her little confiscated dog bed away (every foster dog that tried to reclaim the dog bed for the canine set was met with a swift paw to the snout). Putting away her food dish and her milk dish was the hardest thing I've done in a long time. And I can't explain to Blues what's wrong, and he's really upset most of the time.

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ixchel55
Jul. 27th, 2015 05:54 am (UTC)
It sucks losing a loved one (and I do include furkidz because they're so much a part of our lives). I've realized recently that Phouka is getting older and slowing down and my heart clenches. It's not the same as losing a companion in a horrible, violent way - although that's happened to me too - but I know it's going to hurt like hell when he passes away, even if it's gently into old age.

Just a suggestion from personal experience which I know doesn't work for everyone but, you should try not to put off tucking away Olive's daily reminders too long. Don't ruthlessly rush it but there are enough memories to insure that you won't forget her, you don't need to continually stumble over them and have them jerk your heart strings.

*Hugs*
trepkos
Jul. 27th, 2015 07:34 am (UTC)
It's hard. I still miss our rat Teddy who died in 1980. I don't think you need to explain to Blues - I'm sure he knows.
killabeez
Jul. 27th, 2015 12:48 pm (UTC)
*hugs you a lot*

I'm looking forward to hanging with you, and I promise it's okay if you aren't feeling bubbly and sunshiny. We'll take in the sights (and the pool!) and eat some good food, and see some pretty things. And then, vids!
astolat
Jul. 27th, 2015 11:37 pm (UTC)
*seconds this!* I will be super glad to see you, and also to just hang out quietly if that's all you're up for.
kerithwyn
Jul. 27th, 2015 07:09 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry. It'll be good to see you regardless, and you don't have to put on a happy face for anyone. I'm looking forward to quiet time this con too.
mackiemesser
Jul. 28th, 2015 02:42 am (UTC)
I wish I had some better words other than "I'm sorry," but it's never any easier to lose a pet, especially like that, so--

I'm sorry and that sucks.
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devilpiglet
Aug. 5th, 2015 08:43 pm (UTC)
gwyn_r is real...and she's fabulous.

I miss you, too! I have no good reason for no longer posting on LJ. Maybe I will today. I'm feisty and I just finished a "personal"-size pizza. (It's "personal" if I'm the only one who eats it, right?)

P.S. You are not the first person to mention the Anna Kendrick thing!!! Your check is in the mail.
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devilpiglet
Aug. 9th, 2015 03:39 am (UTC)
I have an Instagram?!

I had a great time with my Gywnnie and she may have had to gently pry my grasping fingers off of her but my grabbiness was all love, I swear. I realized how much I'd missed my LJ folks and resolved to be a better blogger. How are you?
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