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I have not felt like posting much lately, and don't even know why I am now except that I got stood up again tonight and so now I'm home when I wasn't expecting to be.

I signed up for Yuletide this year again, and offered 11 fandoms, which is... a LOT. For me anyway. I'm not sure if I can even write some of them (well, any of them), but they are all things I know well. It's just the prospect of coming up with an idea and being able to not disappoint the giftee I worry about. I requested the full complement of four fandoms, because I know that my fandom of one, MDs (with William Fichtner, John Hannah, and Jane Lynch from Glee and Michaela Conlin from Bones), will never be offered by anyone else, even though it's the one thing I truly want. You have to have a plan B when your fandom is that unknown.

I wasn't, however, able to sign up for Bitchin' Party, aka Pacificon, today because I just really don't have the moolah. Especially since this is sort of a bad month for me, usually, being as how it's birthday month and I'm planning to run away to Vancouver this year with black_bird_777 this year (although not on the birthday, just a few days before) and we're staying in a luxe hotel. If it's anything like our usual trips, we will be eating our way through the city, although this time we're hoping to try some new to us spots we haven't been to before (except the Breton creperie off Robson, because it is our favorite place for breakfast). Anyways, that precludes the money for the con that I'd have to pony up this month, but I guess I'll see if Dad gives me his usual cash for birthday thing, or not -- probably not, since he's been helping me out too much this year.

I sent in a resume for the most made-for-me perfect regular freelance work for a video magazine and wrote what I thought was a fantastic pitch letter, but they got more than 60 resumes after their posting looking for review copyeditors, and the guy said they'd be in touch by Wed. for the people they wanted to send tests to. I was not on that list apparently. I could not be more perfect for that kind of work with my history, and yet, I didn't even make the cut, and this seems to be the story of my life lately with freelance work. I must be more of a fuckup loser than even I realize, because seriously, it's like some of these opportunities are written solely for me, and yet, I can't get arrested. Arg.

One of many reasons I've been so down lately besides the other stuff is that I'm being audited for taxes in 2007, specifically the sales tax deduction I took from all the reno in the house, including the kitchen. It's been going on since early in the year, and they keep sending me scary letters, and then I call, and find out they don't have any records of my stuff, and they'll send ANOTHER letter, and it starts all over again, and drags out for months per letter. I'm terrified of the IRS, which is why I spend money each year on a certified tax accountant rather than do my own.

This most recent letter told me I have one other option, to go to court. They assess interest on the payment they say I owe them, starting now, unless I choose to go to court. So I called E, my tax person, and she has told me in the past that ever since they went to these paper audits a few years ago to save money, it's been a huge disaster for people and that tax people and accountants loathe them. Before, you met with the auditor and you showed them your paperwork and they went, "OK" and it was done. But now they lose your paperwork, send you letters, take calls, send more letters, lose more paperwork, and on and on. They all go through Atlanta, so there's no one you can talk to locally. So she called them Tuesday and went through it again, since she has power of attorney for my taxes, and they said that they had no record of my paperwork (over 80 pages of receipts and spreadsheets) but they did have a record of having received it (because I fucking sent it certified mail, since they lost everything before that I mailed or faxed).

I'm so afraid of a lien or something on my house. Or going to tax jail or whatever they do to people. I have never forgotten this series of articles I read in this fantastic paper called the National Observer about what the IRS does to people for the piddliest of tax issues, and so they frighten me on a very deep level, the way all evil government agencies do. They also told E that the person (whom they never identify, btw) formerly handling my claim is no longer there because of the lost paperwork. Gee, ya think maybe you have incompetent employees? Srsly? They can never tell me anything on the phone, just make notes that I called. So on Monday I'm going over to E's for dinner and faxing -- we're going to send them all 80 pages again, and discuss it, and her and her husband are good friends so I know there'll be lots of there-thereing.

Between freelance work disappointments, the IRS, feeling so alone, and the looming big five-oh that I won't get to spend with my twin, I really have to fight to get out of bed in the morning and keep going. If it wasn't for the kitties, I don't even know what I'd do. For so many years, I thought I'd be in Hawaii on this birthday, with sis_r, drinking fruity drinks on a beach and listening to her bitch me out for something she thinks I'm doing wrong. Now I'm probably going to be in my house with the cold and rain outside, watching something lame on TV, and wondering when I'll get the next letter from the IRS telling me they're coming after me. Blerg, as Liz Lemon would say.

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Nov. 8th, 2009 02:59 am (UTC)
I've never been that deep but things went badly a few years ago and I understand. All I'll say is "Wish you luck."

Hoping you have better luck soon...
Nov. 8th, 2009 03:35 am (UTC)
*hugs* I feel your pain about Pacificon, I'm not able to go either. And just keep applying, it's a hard job market so don't blame yourself.

I hope things get better for you.
Nov. 8th, 2009 04:14 am (UTC)
I know it's more money you can't afford to spend, but I'd seriously consider consulting an attorney who specializes in dealing with the IRS. They may be able to do something about your paperwork getting lost over and over, and their appalling bullying/scare tactics.

Nov. 8th, 2009 04:55 am (UTC)
Wow. The IRS thing is just...mindboggling. You have my deepest sympathy. Fuckers.
When you and T get back, I know a great Hawaiian barbecue place (with authentic surfboards!) we can go to, and then get blitzed on Mai Tai's afterwards.
Nov. 8th, 2009 05:13 am (UTC)
Well, hell, I wish things were going better. I offer my sympathies.

I wouldn't beat yourself up over the job situation. I've been sending out resumes and applying for all kinds of jobs that seem to be tailor made for my skills and haven't been getting any responses at all. There's just so many people out there right now applying for anything that the competition is insane.
Nov. 8th, 2009 06:17 am (UTC)
I'm sorry you've so much piling up on you - wish there was some way I could ease just one of your woes.

I'm crossing my fingers that the IRS mess is quickly sorted out - you're doing all you can to comply with their requests, and their own inability to keep track of documents will hopefully not negatively affect the outcome. *smites IRS, just cause*

I wish you could make Pacificon as I was looking forward to a chance to see you there. I could only afford registration myself due to the massive generosity of a friend, so I completely get the money thing.
Nov. 8th, 2009 05:29 pm (UTC)
Wow, that tax thing is insane. I'm angry and frustrated just HEARING about it; I can't imagine what it's like to go through it. I hope your session with E on Monday resolves it (and is cathartic).

I also want to just second what everyone else said about the job situation. It is so not you. I know a lot of people that have lost jobs that are hyper-qualified and can't get picked up for anything at all. It's just the shitty economy.

*big hugs*
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Out of the past

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