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Tongue tied

When MY revolution comes, all the lefty-fucking-brakers in the world are going up against the wall. I'm just sayin'.

Last night I was in that half awake, half dreaming state, you know, where it's like you know you're actually dreaming? ANd something in the half-dream startled me awake, violently, and my teeth clamped shut right into my tongue. So now both sides of my tongue are swollen and really, really painful, which is making eating kind of interesting, if by interesting, you mean awful. And breathing -- I feel like some kind of mouthbreathing intellectually challenged halfwit, because I am in fact being a mouthbreather since that's the least painful position to keep my mouth in. If it were bug season I would be catching bugs.

I have a huge rant to write about what I think has to be the worst new scripted series this year, Lie to Me, but I'm too tired right now. Which is not to confuse it with Trust Me, which is the runner up for second most annoying. I suppose it probably doesn't matter that everyone I mention them to gets confused by which one is which, since they're both awful and annoyingly representative of where it seems networks are going with scripted dramas these days.


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Feb. 6th, 2009 07:56 am (UTC)
Ooh, I want to read your rant.

I liked the first Lie to Me, thought it had potential, but the second one was awful - could they have been more hackneyed with that whole soldiers are evil rapists plotline - and then I lost interest, and also, as of this week, it's on opposite Life, which seems to be getting more interesting again. They brought the Zen back. So it seems to be off my radar. But I thought Tim Roth was really engaging in it - the problem is the plot - and that it another clone of the House model of show - just like the Mentalist is.

Don't have trouble keeping it straight from Trust Me, since I have no clue what show that is. [vbg]
Feb. 6th, 2009 07:57 am (UTC)
BTW, what are lefty fucking brakers?
Feb. 6th, 2009 08:45 pm (UTC)
Lefty brakers are those people who ride the brake pedal and the gas pedal at the same time -- their left foot on the brake WHILE THEY'RE ACCELERATING so that their brake lights are flashing on and off all the freaking time and you can't tell if they're slowing down or driving. I hate them. It's insanely dangerous, and all just because they're stupidly lazy.
Feb. 6th, 2009 08:36 pm (UTC)
Hah! I thought the soldier one WAS the pilot! Suddenly a few things are explained. Still, it doesn't help my feelings, though I think I will go watch that just to be sure.
Feb. 6th, 2009 01:43 pm (UTC)
I haven't seen any of Lie to Me, but I'm totally with you on Trust Me. therienne and I wanted to like it - we gave it two episodes - but the one guy is so freaking passive I want to slap him half the time and the other guy is so annoying I want to slap him all the time. Is there supposed to be something to like about those two guys? Also, weren't they supposed to be friends? They spent the first ep treating each other like crap, and the second ep all that happened was the one guy acted like a five year old in a department store at Christmas for 30 minutes. We actually hit pause in the middle of the episode to put away dinner dishes and forgot to go back. That's how thrilling it was.

Feb. 6th, 2009 02:37 pm (UTC)
There's nothing more annoying than Trust Me out there. You're just lying. Or delusional.

I choose to believe that, because otherwise, there is something more annoying than Trust Me out there and I can't live with that.
Feb. 6th, 2009 08:53 pm (UTC)
No, seriously!! Lie to Me is actually worse! Trust me!

We should invent a scale -- like the Rhys-Therienne Metric or something, where we come up with metrics for a scripted drama's awfulness based on things like trash to fun ratio, awfulness with/without fannish possibilities, mitigating factors such as high production values, beloved actor, and so on.
Feb. 6th, 2009 08:49 pm (UTC)
I was actually fairly excited about Trust Me, because I thought, oh hey, a buddy show with actual, you know, buddies, as opposed to relatives, and not an ensemble cast for once. Even though I'm always wary of ad agency shows -- in Mad Men, it's a backdrop, but whenever it's the foreground, it's cheesy -- in the way Sorkin's Saturday Night Live type show was hideous on Studio 60, the ads in these things are embarassingly amateurish and having worked at agencies, I end up cringing at what passes for "creative".

But anyway. Yes, there were really rather detestable. When you find yourself obsessively staring at the Starbucks cups to see how much time they get, you know something's wrong.
Feb. 6th, 2009 04:00 pm (UTC)
What's a lefty-braker?
Because if that's the term for people who have both feet on both pedals at the same time, so you're constantly looking at their active brake lights and wondering if they really are slowing down, then the term is not nearly harsh enough.

And I hope that by "up against the wall" you mean "drawn and quartered by two Gremlins with muffler trouble".

I'm sorry about your tongue. Owie!
Feb. 6th, 2009 08:59 pm (UTC)
Yes, that's a lefty braker. I fucking hate them, and they are dangerous. I was riding with a friend of mine when he did that, and I shouted "OMG, I totally scream at and gesture obscenely at people like you!" And he just laughed.

The thing about tongues is that there doesn't appear to be anything you can put on them for pain relief!
Feb. 6th, 2009 10:03 pm (UTC)
Luke-warm licorice tea? It's helpful for canker sores. This might extend to bitten tongues.
Feb. 6th, 2009 10:12 pm (UTC)
Maybe Orajel? The gum-numbing agent.

In case you're wondering, I thought of it because someone asked Savage Love if it was okay to apply Orajel to his penis as a means of suppressing orgasm so his girl could ride longer. (Dan suggested against it.)
Feb. 6th, 2009 09:07 pm (UTC)
Although, I do love the image of drawing and quartering with Gremlins. There should be more Gremlins on the road.
Feb. 6th, 2009 10:14 pm (UTC)
I just suggested the first car I could think of that doesn't have a ton of horsepower. Slow the killing down, and all.
Feb. 6th, 2009 05:51 pm (UTC)
I think Lie to Me has an interesting premise but it must be very difficult to write well for it and practically impossible to act in it.

The whole premise hinges on actors doing exactly the right thing with their faces for exactly the right amount of time at exactly the right instance. If you don't pull it off perfectly, the audience will catch on, no longer buy it and stop watching.
Feb. 6th, 2009 09:03 pm (UTC)
I hadn't actually thought about that point, but that's another good thing to add to my list. Sort of in that vein, I was watching this week's ep and really being irritated by the camera work that tells us what we're supposed to be seeing, complete with brilliant observations by the team of "you're lying" or "do you see what she's doing?" and then going on to explain it to people who already know what it is. Gah.

I really can't see how it could succeed, but then, I don't understand why the CSIs are the biggest thing on TV, so there's no underestimating the taste for this.
Feb. 6th, 2009 09:43 pm (UTC)
It's probably hell and a half to edit for, as well. It's a shame really because I love tim roth very very much.
Feb. 6th, 2009 08:40 pm (UTC)
I haven't watched either show, but I'm always up for a good rant.

What's a lefty-braker?

Ugh, sorry about your tongue!
Feb. 6th, 2009 09:06 pm (UTC)
Lefty brakers are the folks who ride the brake pedal with their left foot while they're using the accelerator. Not only is it illegal, it's freaking dangerous when someone's brake lights are going on and off all the freaking time even while they're driving the speed limit, so are obviously accelerating.

Tongues are one of those things you pretty much never ever think about until they hurt like and SOB. Now it's like I can't get my mind off it.
Feb. 6th, 2009 09:42 pm (UTC)
I can't say I've ever encountered more than one or two lefty brakers in my life. They must be more common there, unfortunately for you!

I wonder if ice cream or a milkshake would help take your mind off your tongue, if you can handle eating anything cold, that is?
Feb. 7th, 2009 05:15 am (UTC)
Oh, please rant about Lie To Me!! I gave it 2 tries, and the second week annoyed me *so* much. I wanted to like it for Tim Roth. I'd like to watch Tim Roth on my TV every week. But not in that show. When Life returned, I went back to Life, and abandoned Lie To Me. And I disrespectfully disagree with the SF Chronicle TV reviewer who called Lie To Me the best new show of the season. He's normally not so high on dope, but I can't believe he thinks Lie To Me is subtle and intelligent when it's one of the most hamfisted things I've ever seen. In the soldier episode, *how long* did it take them to say, "Well, if she's lying, maybe she had a reason! Maybe the attack did happen--to someone else!" DUH. I hate it when supposedly competent, "so-excellent-at-their-job" characters are stupider than I am.
Feb. 11th, 2009 06:09 am (UTC)
I can't believe someone actually thought it was good. I'm totally gobsmacked.

Subtle? Intelligent? My god. Maybe on the Axiom in WALL*E it would be considered so, but not here in prime time.
Feb. 11th, 2009 03:44 am (UTC)
Hey - I just wanted to check in and see if I've heard back from you about showing "No Way Out of Here"? It's entirely possible that your message got mixed up in my mailbox, because I kind of remember reading it, but my spreadsheet still says that your permission is pending. Sorry to be repetitious if you've already let me know.
Feb. 11th, 2009 06:06 am (UTC)
I'm glad you posted -- I don't have an email for that one! I thought maybe it was the junk filter or something, but your other email came through just fine. But yes, please feel free to use it! I'm very flattered!
Feb. 12th, 2009 06:49 pm (UTC)
Excellent! Thanks so much. I wanted to start the show with some older vids, and No Way Out of Here is one of my favorite VCR-era vids. Yay!
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