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Dec. posting meme day 9

Squeaking in under the wire with a question from [personal profile] kass : If I could come and visit you where you live, where would you take me / what would we do?

Oh man--well, we'd have to do the obligatory tourist things like the Pike Place Market, because everyone wants to see that, and drive down to Mt. Rainier, and take a ferry across the sound. As much of a tourist destination as the Market is, it's really fascinating and is a huge part of Seattle's history, features some amazing views of Puget Sound, and has all these interesting little side places to look at, besides the usual things that people think of: the fish throwing market stalls, the cafes that have had movies filmed in them, all that stuff that people think about because they've seen Sleepless in Seattle or something. Many people go to Pioneer Square, the "old town" area, and love to do the Underground tour--a lot of Seattle was destroyed in the 1800s so they built on top of it, and the tour takes you through the areas that remain underneath Pioneer Square still. I've never been on the tour, weirdly, even though I've lived here most of my life. Everyone wants to ride to the top of the Space Needle, as well. But I feel like the mountains and the water are sort of necessary in some ways, because that's also what's informed this city's character--we're surrounded by water and many large and small lakes, bordered by mountains on the peninsula and in the middle of the state.

But I'd also want to take you to my neighborhood, West Seattle, because it's kind of eccentric in some ways, and it has the only real sandy beach in the area and it's really beautiful to walk along. It would be fun to take you to Fremont, where I used to live, because that's the funkiest part of town and has the famous statue of Lenin and the Troll (a cement troll that lives under the Aurora Bridge and has a VW Beetle clutched in his hand; it used to be a real Beetle till they had to cover it with cement too because people kept stealing parts off it) and beautiful art on the bridge. Capitol Hill is a pain in some ways, but it's also fun and has the most restaurants, I think, outside of downtown and there's always a good place to eat. Hopping on a ferry from many different points could take us to tons of different places like the Olympic Peninsula, some of the islands like Vashon or Bainbridge of best of all, Whidbey, or fun little places like Poulsbo or Gig Harbor.

We are very much a film city, though in some ways it's declined a bit in recent years, but it would be fun to take you to Scarecrow Video, and the film festival if you came to visit in later spring. We are also a reading city, and there are still some independent bookstores around, so going to those would be swell as I don't have a lot of opportunity these days. A lot of people want to visit the Rem Koolhaus designed downtown library, too--it's not my favorite place, I think the design is terrible, but many people love it a lot, so it's at least worth a visit. And frankly, I just love hangingin around downtown and don't get to much anymore, and so I'd love to take you to some fun restaurants, shops, and museums or cultural places.

ETA. I would also have to take you up to Vancouver to see all the film locations of shows you like, and then down to Portland for other show's locations, like the Librarians!

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Yuletide bounty!!

For the second Yuletide in a row (I skipped last year, but this happened in 2014), I am the lucky recipient of three, count 'em THREE stories. I have no idea what the hell I ever did to deserve this bounty, but I am thrilled--and one of them is 32K, and I'm only partway through because I'm the slowest fucking reader in the world--work hazard, I have to be--and did I mention it's a glorious 32K? That's just…so freaking amazing I can't believe it. I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SO LUCKY.

The Android story is just…OMG. Full of delicious puns and paper geekery and just…it's utter genius. GENIUS.

And someone took my love of Colin Shea from What's Your Number? and TJ Hammond from Political Animals and gave them a sex history together! I made a mention in my 2014 letter that I thought Colin could maybe switch teams for TJ and so this is aces.

I am sinking into and letting the 32K What's Your Number? fic unfold for me and I am really resenting like hell the fact that I have to work--I got two projects in this past week and could there be worse timing? I don't think so, because all I want to do is sink into this.

My story's not exactly going gangbusters, and my recipient still hasn't said anything (I guess I'm not surprised, all things considered). So I have the flop sweat, but whatever, I enjoyed thinking about it and talking about it with a couple people so that's what matters most, I guess.

Anyways. Look at my bounty, look:

You're Gonna See, It's Our Destiny (1534 words) by Anonymous
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Android "Rock Paper Scissors" Commercial
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Characters: Rock (character), Paper (character), Scissors (character)
Additional Tags: Friendship, Bullying, Friends to the Rescue

"You know in some way you're a lot like me/You're just a prisoner and you're tryin' to break free"

You Might Think I'm Crazy (32363 words) by Anonymous
Chapters: 5/5
Fandom: What's Your Number? (2011)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Ally Darling/Colin Shea
Characters: Ally Darling, Colin Shea, Daisy Darling, Ava Darling
Additional Tags: Established Relationship, Family Dynamics, Love, Bad Relationship Habits, Canon-Typical Sexual Content, Romance, Holidays, Canonical Terms For Genitalia, Actually Ever After

"Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction."
- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

"Any way you want it/That's the way you need it"
- Journey

full of light and sunshine (according to twitter) (1134 words) by Anonymous
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: What's Your Number? (2011), Political Animals
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Ally Darling/Colin Shea
Characters: Thomas "T. J." Hammond, Colin Shea, Ally Darling
Additional Tags: Past Relationship(s), Yuletide Treat

"You had sex with the son of the first female President of the United States?"

"See?" said Colin. "If you'd just checked my Twitter, you'd know about these sorts of things."

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Dec. posting meme day 8

For [personal profile] kore : where do you see Steve and Bucky ending up eventually? Or if that's too vague, what would be your idea of a Steve and Bucky HEA?

Man, I have no idea where they could end up, because in comics, there'll never really be an "end" since they always cycle back to keeping the characters in play, and in the MCU, it's dependent upon contracts, and Sebastian Stan has essentially six more movies on his but Chris Evans only has the one. And while he's been open about re-upping if they can come to terms, I feel like they don't really give a shit about him, that the only one they care about is Downey/Stark or fucking Spider-Man, so I don't know what would happen. If they made a stand-alone Winter Soldier movie, I don't know if they'd go the route of dead Steve and Bucky!Cap. I'd love it if they did Bucky!Cap if they did Commander Rogers, but...I just don't understand the choices the MCU people make anymore. It's really hard to get a sense of where they're going--but I also would love Nomad, so.

But if it were up to me, their happily ever after takes a lot of different forms: I'm just as happy to see them giving up the fight and living some quiet, small life together as I am Steve continuing to be Cap but Bucky giving up doing that and just being a house husband. Or Steve taking on some other kind of role, like Commander Rogers, to make a difference, or even if that just meant being a volunteer for something rather than as Captain America. And I also can see a case made for both of them as Avengers or Avengers adjacent, fighting because they were created to be supersoldiers and they feel it's the right thing to do.

Mostly I would want their HEA to be the two of them having fun in the 21st century. I'm not sure what could be repaired after the changes to canon in Civil War, but I'd love if they could have that created by choice family, and enjoying that, and each other, for a really long time--whatever they choose to do.

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Dec. posting meme day 7

Today's question from [personal profile] sholio : If you had been in fandom when you were a kid, what shows would you have been fanning on, and what kinds of things would you have looked up for them?

I used to actually write stories, sometimes on paper, sometimes just in my head, for my favorite shows and movies when I was little. The first thing like this I know of I wrote when I was five--a little Hound of the Baskervilles remix, I suppose you could call it, of the Mickey Mouse and Goofy version. We found it when we were going through my mom's things after she died, and I laughed my ass off because…wow, even though I didn't know about this kind of fandom till I was in my twenties, apparently I was a little fanfic writing fangirl as a child.

I also still have the record albums my sister and I wrote all over with ballpoint pen--the first two Monkees albums; we put hearts and stars and shit all around the names of the guys we liked best (she was a Davey Jones girl, I went for Mike and Mickey). I was fucking obsessed with that series, and their music, I really was. I still love it, unironically, unashamedly. If we'd had internet then, I would absolutely have been following them on social media, and buying all the weird merch, and going to shows, and whatever else was out there. As it was all we had was Tiger Beat and 16 magazines, so I had to get my fixes there.

I also would have been writing fanfic and vidding, I'm sure, for this incredibly obscure western called Laredo. No one knows about it, but for some reason my sister and I were obsessed with it, which was difficult because my mother pretty much banned westerns from our television--my sister and I wanted to watch Bonanza and the Rifleman and stuff like that, but my mom had this deepseated antipathy toward any show where anyone used the words "ma" or "pa" and so it was rare for us to be able to watch those things. There was very little written about it, and I think we found it after it had gone off the air and was being shown in reruns on a Saturday afternoon or something--that was the one time Mom wasn't dictating what we could watch, so I think that was how we found it.

It was a strange show, in that it was tonally different from anything else you'd find on TV then--not quite a dramedy, but definitely a comedic hour-long series. The two main characters were complete hotasses, and even my young self was wide-eyed at William Smith's pecs and biceps and traps, and he wore pants that rivaled Jim West's in tightness, BUCKSKIN pants that were deliciously tight, and he had that Chris Evans Dorito shoulder to waist ration. So much of the series makes me cringe now, the racism and the sexism and all of that '60s era shit, but man, little me loved it, and I'd have been all over fan sites if I could have.

There were a lot of things I was actively fannish about without even knowing that a thing like fandom existed--my walls were littered with the pullout posters from Tiger Beat (sigh, David Cassidy), I'd write in for giant posters of actors like Paul Newman, and I collected clippings in scrapbooks and stuff. I was a budding film buff as young as ten, so I was starting to research movies and collect things about them, and the movie stars, and the musicians I liked. I think that's why I know I'm never going to be able to fully disinvest from fandom--I've been this way my whole damn life, without even knowing that such a life existed.


ETA: Did anyone else get a kudos email today from AO3? Man, I finally have some kudos and I still don't get an email even when I have some! I'm used to going days and days without any kudos, but it would have been a nice thing today except that there's been no sign of one, it's almost midnight, and I can't find anything about it on the twitter feed so I assume everything's fine.

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Dec. posting meme day 6

[personal profile] anoel asked: What are some of your favorite vids and why? Are there any patterns in what makes you love a vid?

Unfortunately a lot of the vids I love most aren't available online or streaming because they come from the old VCR vidding days. A few are, but I have a lot of fondness for many of them because flashy technique has never been what I'm interested in--I'm really into narratives, for the most part, and since we didn't have tech to use, the focus was always squarely on story. A lot of what people go crazy for these days leaves me cold because there's no feeling that I get from it, it's all about style over substance (or it's a lot of spoken dialog and score music layered over vid music and that drives me batshit, because it's never equalized).

One of the first vids I ever saw was Deejay's Too Long a Soldier for The Professionals and it still is a huge fave, because it's such a great narrative about who Bodie is and how operating in that world of violence makes him act. Plus it introduced me not just to vids but to outside (the show's) source in a vid. I also still really love Jo's Ebben? Ne Andro Lontana vid for Band of Brothers, and not just because I suggested the song and it was the impetus for our first vid collection--but because it painted a picture of Band of Brothers in a really haunting way. It was almost like a literal painting, just in moving pictures. And Full of Grace, Morgan Dawn and Justine's Due South vid, might be my favorite vid of all time or at least in my top two, because it's one of the most gorgeous, tragic, affecting portraits of a character I've ever seen. (There's a link to it here! http://archiveofourown.org/works/8972914)

Motorcycle Drive-By from Lynn (at JKL, I think, on pteropus.com) is a huge favorite for a similar reason--it's just such a perfect marriage of song and subject and describes Spike and his hopeless love for Buffy in the most deliciously sad way. I think I wore out two tape copies of it back in the day, I watched it so often. Oh! And of course, I adore Dante's Prayer because it's incredible, but there was also a vid that Killa and T. Jonesy made around the same time called Bleed to Love Her that I am the biggest fan of, it's an amazing story of what Kirk is willing to sacrifice for the Enterprise, sob.

Some newer vids that I love include AbsoluteDestiny's vid that he made for me in the Vividcon auction a few years ago, for the movie The Navigator, that he called Death and the Navigator (his vids are here but I believe this one's being blocked, grrrr), and the other day on my tumblr I reblogged a vid from last year's Festivids for The Martian to Under Pressure, because I'd been telling people how much I adored it and how much it affected me. It's just a great fusion of story and song, where it's not simply retelling the movie's story but giving us a deeper look into that story.

Those are all off the top of my head; I'm sure if I went through some con playlists and stuff I'd find a lot more, but my head's in a bunch of different places tonight so I'm not remembering everything, I know.

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Dec. posting meme day 5

For [personal profile] ranalore: Is there a Steve/Bucky vid or fic you'd prefer to watch or read that you haven't run across yet?

You know, that's actually a really hard question to answer. I had to think about it quite a bit, because I tend to either make the vids I want to see most or write the stories with the ideas I like best. I mean, this is one of the few fandoms I've been in where there's a lot of good fic that's pretty representative of what I'd like to read, which is rare since I'm so fucking picky, but I still have to write the ideas I like most of all more often than not because no one else is doing them. And I hate that; I'd much, much rather read something than write it myself.

Someone wrote a story for the big bang that's about the Ghost Army in WWII and I look forward to reading that (though I'm always trepidatious about reading historical pre- and war-era fiction in this fandom because so many people get so much of it wrong and that just drives me batshit, especially the war OMG it's horrible). I'd been contemplating a story based around the Ghost Army, and it's nice to know now I don't have to waste my time writing something no one will read. I'd love to have someone do the WWII fic with the bonus appearance of Band of Brothers' Easy Company so that I don't have to spend so much time with my references and plotting and shit, but I know it's not gonna happen. And I've never in my life written a true AU, but I think all the time about how fucking cute a Desk Set AU (minus all the gross period politics) with Steve and Bucky could be--Steve in the head researcher Kate Hepburn role, Bucky in the computer guy efficiency expert Spencer Tracey role, lots of banter and sexual tension. If someone wrote that I'd be so happy.

I wish someone else would make the vid I was talking about the other day! There've actually been a lot of vids to songs I wanted to see or themes/stories, since Winter Soldier even came out, but I haven't liked most of them--they've been wildly popular, but for whatever reason I thought they were not done well and that was really disappointing. I know that these days using the same song as someone else isn't the bad form it used to be in olden tymes, but I just can't see doing those songs or concepts again, so I'm always going to be a bit disappointed by that--it's like the thing I want is so close and yet so far.

Dec. posting meme day 4

[personal profile] musesfool asked: any favorite dessert recipes?

You know, I'm really a sucktastic cook. I built this whole amazing kitchen with these plans to learn to cook better, and...that never happened. I never got any better at it. I wanted to be a baker, but I'm just a freaking disaster at it.

When I did the remodel, though, my dad gave me a KitchenAid stand mixer with an ice cream attachment, and a few years ago I was making ice cream a lot. I wasn't especially good at it, more often than not there was one thing that was off a bit in it, it was never as good as I wanted it to be. One of the favorite recipes I tried was a Persimmon and Black Pepper Syrup Ice Cream--the persimmons were still a bit too astringent in the end, but it was almost good, and the black pepper syrup gave it a really interesting kick. This is a similar recipe to what I used:


1 1/2 teaspoons whole black peppercorns
1 cup water
3/4 cup sugar
1/4 teaspoon (scant) salt
8 large ripe Hachiya persimmons, halved, seeded
1 cup chilled heavy whipping cream


Heat heavy small skillet over medium heat. Add whole black peppercorns; toast until fragrant and beginning to smoke, stirring often, about 3 minutes. Transfer to small bowl to cool. Coarsely crush peppercorns in mortar with pestle, or place peppercorns in resealable plastic freezer bag, and seal; crush with mallet.

Transfer crushed peppercorns to small saucepan. Add 1 cup water, sugar, and scant 1/4 teaspoon salt. Bring to boil, stirring until sugar dissolves. Boil mixture until reduced to 1 cup, about 4 minutes. Refrigerate until cold. DO AHEAD: Black pepper syrup can be made 1 day ahead. Cover and keep refrigerated.

Scoop persimmon flesh from skins into blender. Puree until smooth. Measure 2 cups puree for making ice cream, reserving any remaining puree for another use. Cover and chill puree until cold, about 2 hours.

Strain black pepper syrup into large bowl. Whisk in 2 cups persimmon puree and cream. Process in ice cream maker according to manufacturer's instructions. Transfer ice cream to container, cover, and freeze. DO AHEAD: Can be made 1 day ahead. Keep frozen.

And I used to, every year, make these anise cookies with my dad from a recipe that came down from my mom's German family. It's...huge and my dad used his math skilz to first halve it and then quarter it and it still made ginormous batches that we gave to everyone until I found out that no one else except [personal profile] mlyn liked them--our cousins hated them, my friends hated them...

They were a pain in the ass to make, it uses molasses and so much flour and I seem to remember shortening, though I haven't made it since Dad died, but I loved the anise flavor with the molasses and the walnuts, and the ancient cookie cutters we had in my family for a million years were awesome too. You had to have lots of room, to cool and ice all the cookies and let them dry before you could stack them in containers. (If anyone wants the recipe I could try to type it up.)

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Dec. posting meme day 3

Today is: what is something you've always wanted to do in a vid that you haven't done yet? (I'm thinking of form, but if it's musical or fannish, that's okay too) for [personal profile] cesperanza

Oh man, so many things, honestly, but they are all things I need to be far more competent for, and to know how to use AfterEffects and be able to figure out how to use Premiere, which bewilders me, and get it to actually function the way that it supposedly does for apparently everyone else except me.

One of the few things that isn't oriented solely to technology and a specific program is using stills. I have this vid I've been trying to make since 2014 that I can't seem to actually make (partly it's a problem with lack of video, which I'd hoped Civil War would rectify but...not so much), partly it's a problem of finding the narrative, but on occasion I've been trying to re-examine it as a stills-focused vid, or at least stills heavy. I don't know if you remember a Sentinel vid back in the day that was nothing but stills of the series set to a Sarah McLachlan song, but soooorta like that. I mean, not exactly, and not like the original songvid slideshows of the earliest days of fan vids, but doing a sort of collage effect in a way, building a narrative through still shots rather than just using them to illustrate a word or line.

And not to be grandiose because I'm definitely not pretending to be Chris Marker, but I loved that storytelling approach in La Jetee, that lingering effect you get with still images over music or words, that hazy, dreamlike state. Or it might work well to use the stills for choruses and have verses be in the active motion clips, I don't know, because I haven't tried noodling with it yet. (Insert offer for anyone who'd want to team up and work with me on this here.)

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Over on Tumblr, the lovely kiwikero has recorded a podifc of my Groundhog Day Bucky/Steve story "I can't remember how this started (but I can tell you exactly how it ends)." I was just gobsmacked when she asked me--she assumed that many people must have already asked and I'd probably turned them down and I laughed, because so much nope and as if. And I figured that'd be it, that it wouldn't really happen, but within about a week she had recorded and edited it and posted it last night. I've only been able to listen to a little bit of it, but it's fascinating to listen to someone interpreting words that were so…interior, I guess, for want of a better word, just words that were really close inside me because it was a super tight limited third person POV for the Winter Soldier as he slowly becomes Bucky Barnes.

Anyways, she's also relatively new to both Stucky fandom and podficcing, so if you wouldn't mind showing her some love, I'd really appreciate it; she hasn't really heard anything except from me, and I'd love to encourage her to consider doing more, I think everyone benefits from more fanworks, you know?

[Podfic] I can’t remember how this started (but I can tell you exactly how it ends) (31 words) by kiwikero
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes, Steve Rogers, Brock Rumlow, Sam Wilson (Marvel)
Additional Tags: Groundhog Day, Time Loop, Temporary Character Death, Podfic, Podfic Length: 1-1.5 Hours, Audio Format: MP3

“And this is the thing, Steve. I would rather relive this day for eternity than watch them win and you die, or see you be enslaved to them the way I was.”

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Dec. posting meme day 2

Today's question from [personal profile] dine: which is your favourite character from an old TV show, and why?

Ha ha ha ha. I mean, I'm so fucking old that I can't remember half the TV shows I loved when I was a kid. I suppose the easiest answer would be Spock, but I honestly don't think that happened until a bit later, when I was thinking in terms of characterization and tropes and all that metatextual stuff that I didn't examine for a long time. And I'm gonna cut off at the mid-'70s for the definition of old here, because I just don't want to include things like The Professionals and other major fandoms the came after I found media fandom as a lifestyle choice.

I think if I had to pick one, and I don't go for the obvious Star Trek choices because that's the show that's come down through history as THE old TV show for everything, it might be Samantha from Bewitched. I always thought Elizabeth Montgomery was just the shit and I thought she was so cool in a sophisticated, actressy way, I suppose, and I wanted to be like her so much. And a lot of that image was probably due to the Samantha character--she was married to an idiot who patronized her and didn't want her to be what she really was, and my little proto-feminist heart identified with that so much; I was outraged on her behalf and the words feminism and women's lib had never even been uttered outside of intellectual and academic circles at that point in history. She was willing to sacrifice and only use her magic when she had to because she loved a mortal guy, and I love a good love story, but I never once understood why anyone would love Darrin. Either actor who played him--he was a perfect example of white male patriarchal entitlement, and it spread its oily hooks into her mother, who was this delicious agent of chaos, and Serena, who was an even bigger, more delish agent of chaos. Because she looked like Samantha and was also played by super cool Elizabeth Montgomery! He was constantly at war with them, they knew he was beneath Sam, and I just…I was so awed by that.

I actually hate villians and agents of chaos, but the fact that I confusingly loved Endora and Serena meant, I think, that I appreciated Sam's calm and capability and common sense even more. I'm sure that had a lot to do with the person I became as I grew up--my friends called me Mom because I was usually the only one who had any fucking common sense, but I was deceptively responsible and "good" and hid really well the fact that I was always coming up with plans and schemes that were totally forbidden and getting my friends into situations they could be in serious trouble for and just generally being a Naughty Girl. Samantha and Endora and Serena were role models without me even understanding they were. I also thought that whole advertising world, parties and swinging midcentury modern lifestyle was pretty cool, though I often couldn't grok why, when she could twitch her nose and be anywhere she wanted to be doing anything she wanted to, Samantha chose to be a housewife. It's such a perfect encapsulation of that post-war life, isn't it? Women stayed home and made babies and tended house, they wanted us to believe that was the only way the world worked, and they lauded the profession of advertising, selling us stuff we didn't need to become a consumerist culture and Darrin's boss being obsessed with profit--and there was this woman who could transcend all that yet chose not to because reasons. It was frustrating, even if I couldn't understand why, but also really fascinating and subversive.

I loved the witchcraft-wielding people around her because they were chic and wild and entertaining and flamboyant and Samantha, while exasperated by them all, clearly loved them. If it had been even halfway true to what women really are like and not some patriarchal white guy view of what women are supposed to be, Samantha would never have given up being with them, because they were so fucking fun. Even though I didn't know what a gay person was--and no one in my life believed they did, either, back then--I recognized that Uncle Arthur was not what he seemed, not "average" in the way most men I knew were, and Dr. Bombay, her dad, Maurice, all those people were just…they were the societal shifts that were happening in the mid to late '60s and '70s, right there on my TV. Sam was young and hip even though she married a square who demanded she not be herself, she was surrounded by these insane people, she was smart and collected and had special powers…damn, I just adored Samantha Stephens.

Also, the coolest of credits.

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Dec. posting meme day 1

Question today comes from [personal profile] kass: What do you love most about Steve and Bucky right now?

You know, it's weird how much I had to think about this, since my default lately is simply STEVEANDBUCKYOMG4EVA!!! But Civil War really threw a monkey wrench in things for me--it was really obvious, between the first trailer and the beginnings of the press for it, where we were treated to things like the Russos saying "Stucky fans will be very happy" and numerous publications writing about how clearly not just friends Bucky and Steve are (and that if we lived in a better world, they would be allowed to be in a romantic relationship), the Disney/Marvel honchos got into a big gay panic and put the kibosh on the hoyay. Chris Evans even confirmed that most of the truncated and heavily edited bits were the bits between him and Sebastian.

And that tag felt like…punishment, for Bucky, which the writers have actually said out loud, that Bucky was guilty and I don't even know how to unpack such a tone-deaf statement from the people who gave us so much good stuff with him previously--but it also felt like punishment for us. Like they were wagging their fingers at us and telling us to stop talking about them like they're gay for each other. I hate that tag so much it's just been really hard for me to find a way in to write anything post-CW, and while there's certainly 90 percent more functional Bucky to vid with, it's still a challenge because they made such a point of keeping them physically apart, and keeping Steve's helmet on. The tag also felt like it was tacked on at the last minute, as part of that memo to PLEASE STOP WITH THE GAY TALK. Keep them separated, the same way they do in the comics, where they pine for each other and talk about each other relentlessly but only spend time with each other once in a while and they are very straight they have girlfriends please shut up thank you very much.

So what I love most about them right now is hard because it's wrapped up in all the stuff I'm actually really angry about, and I'm having trouble separating that. Most of what I've tried to write lately is stories that are separate from the new canon, even if they're set post-Winter Soldier, because that's kind of the only place I can be happy. I don't mind thinking of Steve being Nomad, because I love me some Nomad, he's adorable and hilarious and so earnest, but I definitely don't like thinking of the MCU Bucky being separate from Steve, as the Man on the Wall like he's been in comics recently or leading Thunderbolts, or sometimes even Bucky!Cap, because that'd mean Steve's gone completely from his life. If he's going to be Bucky!Cap, I just want it to be because Steve's also fighting, just in some other way than as Cap specifically. (I love thinking of the comics Bucky in Thunderbolts with Kobik, being a reluctant but pretty good dad, as a possibility for the story in MCU, I just don't want it separate from Steve.)

I love them trying to get on with their lives, to find a place together and figuring out who they are in the modern world. That never ever gets old for me, honestly, their struggle to fit in here, that they are really the only people in the world with shared life experience. Most of what I write certainly focuses on that, and I feel like the development of who they are in this world is an endlessly deep well we can mine (Marvel won't, but fan writers can). I love them being domestic and fucking shopping for curtains because they never had that chance before and now they can live a life together. I want them having tons of great sex if that's what they want, or none if they don't want it, and eating sandwiches and drinking good coffee and discovering what to them might be weird new foods. And having a great time with their new found family of friends. I love them because they're astoundingly resilient, considering everything they've been through, and they're strong and they will get through the really bad days.

So I guess that's what I love about them, in spite of Civil War's best efforts to kill my passion. In the midst of all the crap around them, they are strong, and they offer some hope, and they find a way to keep going, and I find that encouraging.

December posting meme by half

Earlier this year during the Snowflake challenge I said I'd hoped to post more often than just announcements, but of course, that didn't happen. And I missed the first half of the December posting meme, but I figured I could just do half of it, since it's the midway point of the month. I'm not going anywhere, or doing anything, and I don't have family, so I'm mostly around and working on a soul-destroying novel copyedit.

If you have any questions I can answer for the dates, I'd love to have them!

December 16: [personal profile] kass What do you love most about Steve and Bucky right now?
December 17: [personal profile] dine which is your favourite character from an old TV show, and why?
December 18:
December 19: [personal profile] cesperanza what is something you've always wanted to do in a vid that you haven't done yet? (I'm thinking of form, but if it's musical or fannish, that's okay too)
December 20: [personal profile] musesfool any favorite dessert recipes?
December 21: [personal profile] ranalore Is there a Steve/Bucky vid or fic you'd prefer to watch or read that you haven't run across yet?
December 22: [personal profile] anoel What are some of your favorite vids and why? Are there any patterns in what makes you love a vid?
December 23: [personal profile] sholio If you had been in fandom when you were a kid, what shows would you have been fanning on, and what kinds of things would you have looked up for them?
December 24: [personal profile] kore where do you see Steve and Bucky ending up eventually? Or if that's too vague, what would be your idea of a Steve and Bucky HEA?
December 25: [personal profile] kass If I could come and visit you where you live, where would you take me / what would we do?
December 26: [personal profile] grammarwoman What book(s) have you re-read the most? & Of the shows you're watching now, list a few OTPs and NOTPs. Or if TPs aren't your thing, plots you're hoping for and against.
December 27: [personal profile] kirbyfest If there was a cancelled TV show you could bring back, which would you pick? With the same cast (this is a fantasy, so pretend this is totally possible even if someone has passed away), or rebooted with a new cast?
December 28: [personal profile] anoel What are some of your favorite childhood books?
December 29: [profile] daria234 What editing choices in your vids are you most proud of? Pick 1-3 and explain why. No self-deprecating allowed :)
December 30: [personal profile] sineala You've been in fandom a while. Is there something you miss from the olden days of fandom that no one does anymore? Or is there something that fandom does or has now that you wish you'd had way back when?
December 31: [personal profile] reginagiraffe What your favorite hors d'oeuvre to make and/or eat?

Oh wow, so many cool questions, you guys! Thank you--this will definitely help keep my mind off how depressing the holidays can be now. Keep 'em coming!

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Pseudo events

I will be the first person to admit that the structure of AO3 baffles me--my brain doesn't really work that way, and a lot of the ins and out mystify me to the point of wanting to tear my hair out, and I feel really stupid when I use it sometimes because I just don't think that way or connect like that, there's some kind of process that makes searching and stuff opaque and confusing for me. And I was an idiot when I first signed up, because I just used the name I use on lots of things, gwyneth, rather than the pseud I'd always used for writing, gwyneth rhys.

It was too late to change it when I realized that I hadn't used my actual full writing name, so I added a pseudonym with the full name. I hate that it's always "gwyneth rhys (gwyneth)" when I share new uploads and stuff, but that's my punishment for being a moron and having a stupid brain. But now I find myself in a really confusing situation and I don't know the answer so I turn to you, oh flist.

I went in to check my Yuletide assignment once we got the notice that the assignments had been restored from the snafu the other day, and I noticed that I still had seven fanworks that were only showing up in my default pseud, gwyneth, and not in my gwyneth rhys list of fanworks--I was probably asleep at the wheel and didn't choose the alternate pseud when I posted them. So I fixed that, and then…realized that under my default gwyneth pseud, I had 0 fanworks listed. The only things showing up on the Dashboard page were my bookmarks.

Yikes, says I, does that mean that if someone searches on my main pseud name, all they'll see is a page listing 0 Works? That if, say, someone read one of the comments I'd left on their fic, and decided to check me out (I know, but I'm being hypothetical here), all they'd see is a listing of my bookmarks and 0 Works? So the 145 Works I have currently up there are not visible unless they actually pulled down the list of pseuds?

I don't actually understand how this works, and that's what I see when I tested it out--that it looks as if I had 0 Works now listed on my default pseud Dashboard, which it goes to if I follow a link from that name. But I don't know if that's because I'm logged in, so I'm seeing all my available information, but a person who's not me would see something different. I fear I've cocked this up by re-pseudifying all my existing works on AO3.

I mean, I'm assuming that if someone just follows a link to a vid or story, they'd be able to get to the main page of my Works by clicking on the "by" link there. But if they were coming in from some different link, does it just end up looking like I have nothing there?

I hate my stupid brain sometimes--I'm driving an old model that you can't get parts for anymore and it doesn't work well in this modern age.

(My subject line refers to a class I took in college, a higher level public relations and advertising course where we were studying propaganda and things like that, and one of the students asked the prof one day, "I wanted to know what a puh-swaydo event was," and the whole class just face-palmed.)

iPad for sale

I cashed in some credit card points to buy myself a new iPad for my birthday, and am going to sell the old one, but before I put it up on craigslist or whatever, I figured I'd see if anyone would like to buy it here. It's a 3rd generation iPad, I believe, so not the lightweight Air model, and it's up to date on the iOS--I'll DL the most recent one once I reset it for sale. Black face, silver back, Wi-Fi only, 16 GB of storage. I have mostly used it to read books and fic on, use Spotify, etc. and it's in perfect shape, with a purple faux leather case (back has hard shell with connected lined cover) you can take or not, as you wish. They seem to run for quite a large disparity in price but I'm going with the average of around $170. If you're interested, let me know.

I'm liking the slightly lower weight of the new Air I got, but the narrower sides make it annoying to hold when I'm reading in bed. Though that's definitely made up for by the fact that this one allows me to set it to a warm orange screen at night--I know I was seriously affecting my already incredibly terrible sleep issues with that blue screen at night, but that's the one time I had to read fic, so…it's not quite as nice as fLux, which I wish was available for Apple devices, but I do appreciate this feature probably more than almost anything else about it.
Continuing my tradition of posting fic for my birthday. It's a crappy gift, I know, but it's all I got.

These Long and Better Days To Come (33480 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes, Steve Rogers, Thor (Marvel), Sam Wilson, Natasha Romanov, Tony Stark, Clint Barton
Additional Tags: Non-Serum Steve Rogers/Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes | Shrinkyclinks, De-Serumed Steve Rogers, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, Impostors, Remote Cabin in the Woods, Non-Linear Narrative, Time-Trippyness, Time Shifts/Time Slips, This Hydra benefits package really sucks

He had forgotten what curiosity could feel like. Whoever the impostor was, he’d need help, and this team might not be equipped to find him. Bucky had been a soldier, once. Competent and skilled. The best, they’d said. Something inside him rose up from dormancy, came alive at the thought. He was a soldier once and he knew how to do this: where to go, how to get in. Skills that were his unique gift.

Since I'm blue, and procrastinating

Stolen from [personal profile] sholio:

Give me a character, and I'll tell you:

First impression
Impression now
Favorite moment
Idea for a story
Unpopular opinion
Favorite relationship
Favorite headcanon

I'm familiar with an awful lot of media out there, but I can't promise all the answers to something I'm not really into--though you can certainly try!

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Stormy weather

It is…incredibly hard to motivate yourself to create anything when everything you do just bombs. The feeling of why bother is like a mountain in between you and the work, and you have no climbing gear to get over it, not even a rope.

My Yuletide assignment is…meh. I never expected that fandom and I have no ideas and my recipient still hasn't made a letter or given me any useful details, so it might be people in a white room, which I hate writing but there it is.

We are being pounded by storms in the Northwest (apparently the end of a typhoon!), and tonight is expected to be even worse than yesterday, which means I will most likely lose power and roads could be really iffy--and I have to do a presentation at 8:30 in the morning about a 40 minute drive from here (what kind of conference puts panels at 8:30 on a Sunday morning? It's inhuman). I'm really nervous about this, because I live in an area with lots of trees and I'll have to get across two bridges--and I'd hate to strand my co-panelist with the whole thing.

The fears are not unwarranted--this is what happened to my neighbor's tree across the street yesterday, so I'm very worried about my own house and yard, as well. Last time we had a high wind warning, a huge limb came off my fir tree and thank god it missed the house and the little tree nearby.


A lot of the stores are out of bottled water and basics; I have to pick up prescriptions and cat food and whatnot today, could be interesting. Thursday we had biblical rain, enough that I was really worried when killabeez and her spouse left my house because they needed an ark, really, for that trip. And then yesterday was more epic rain and winds, so tonight, with more rain and wind, could be…well, it was nice knowing everyone!

I'm leaving on Monday, too, for Washington DC and I'm crossing my fingers that flights aren't too affected. If anyone is in the area who might like to meet up, I'll have some time on my hands. I'll be staying in the west end neighborhood, but I can get pretty much anywhere in the city. It was a really super short notice trip, so I realize people might not be able to set something up that fast.

I hope to take a day trip up to NYC next Friday--I'd hoped to spend the weekend there like usual, but it didn't work out with my friend and now it might just be a day trip, taking a late train home. If anyone in New York might enjoy meeting up for drinks or dinner, let me know, I'd love to see someone while I'm there, though I know it's short notice. I was most hoping to see the Captain America statue, which I guess is…somewhere in Brooklyn now, not Prospect Park, but I'm not sure what the timing will be like

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Vid: Jet Song

This is probably terrible, but I couldn't help myself: every single time I saw Captain America: Civil War in the theatre, this song would play in my head when Steve walked out to the tarmac. I edited out the spoken word section in the middle (as well as the ethnic insults line, because it just didn't feel like it belonged in a vid that isn't about ethnic-based conflict), but the spoken dialog there is hilarious--"meet Tony and me at ten. And walk tall!" "We always walk tall, we're Jets! The greatest!"

Anyway, have a silly vid.

Also on tumblr.

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Falling Water

No, not the famous midcentury modern house. Just in case some of you tend to keep up with TV via others' posts, I thought I'd mention the fall premiere I'm most looking forward to, Falling Water on USA. It technically starts on October 13, although I believe the premiere ep is already out there, I'm a little confused by this. You can also watch the first ten minutes here. (Warning for some disturbing images and child loss/birth horror.)

It's canonical dreamsharing: three unrelated people realize they are dreaming separate parts of a single common dream. As is probably obvious from my last Steve/Bucky story, I loooove dreamsharing, and this has a really fantastic hallucinatory effect going on here, very mysterious and, well, dreamlike. In some ways it reminded me of certain parts of Charlie Jade. Gale Ann Hurd is one of the showrunners, and she usually does quality work. Of course since it's American TV there's what sounds like the fate of the world at stake and possibly a conspiracy, but I'm just really excited about the dreamscapes.

The best part for me is that the three main characters are played by Will Yun Lee (my heart!!! I'm so thrilled that he'll be a lead and not just someone's Asian sidekick!), David Ajala, and Lizzie Brochere, which means the story will be focused on an Asian man, a black man, and a white woman, which, let's face it, in dramas outside of Netflix is a racial makeup that's in pretty short supply. It looks like it might be filmed in New York so maybe we can hope for more in that respect, too, I'm keeping fingers crossed.

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Dear Yuletide Author

I'm super happy you are writing for me! Yay, we have fandoms in common and you love the same people I do -- this is wonderful, and I'm really looking forward to seeing what you come up with about these characters and fandoms we share a mutual love for. I may be adjusting this until signups are closed, but for now, this will suffice.

I used my Optional Details in the signup to provide more specific info on the individual fandoms or possible prompts, so I haven't added a lot of specifics here in this letter, just general thoughts about the fandoms I requested. I'm not always the best at providing prompts, but if you'd like more ideas than what's in the signup form, you can have the mods ping me and I'll do my best!

General stuff about me: I'm open to angst and romance and humor and slash and het and gen, character studies or long plotty stuff (I love plotty stuff), fluff or drama. I'd generally prefer not to have anything really grimdark, though, but if that's where your story goes, I'm not the kind of person who'd freak out about it. But I've been battling depression for a few years, so stuff that's going to make me more depressed might not be the healthiest thing. I love first times and falling in love, friendships, relationships between people who are equals. Friends to lovers might be my ultimate trope. Banter, sass, and having fun is always catnip to me.

Stuff I don't like includes BDSM/anything particularly kink-oriented (I don't mind mild, characters-flirting-with-some-kinks stuff, but if it's more than lightweight I might not be your best audience), non-con in any way, emotional abuse, any sort of animal harm, or deliberate cruelty. I'm not fond of AUs such as coffeeshops or sports or ABO, any of that sort of thing--what I tend to love about my fandoms is the canon universe they inhabit, that's what made me fall in love with them in the first place. What-if AUs (canon-divergence) can be really cool, though--I love it when someone comes up with a story off of one tiny element being changed! Obviously, I tend to hew pretty closely toward canon, is what I'm saying. :-D

Two of my requests involve twins, and I'm a twin, so I'm kind of sensitive to the way twins are often misrepresented in media--a little homework about twins and what we're really like would go a long way if you end up writing either TJ or Jack with their twins.

In some of my requests, I would love slash if I can get it (and you're comfortable with it), but slash doesn't automatically equal porn. For me it's about the depth of the bond between the characters, the discovery of a new intimacy or a strong connection. With straight relationships, I like seeing behind the expected: not simply love or sex because it's the standard, rather the exploration of what two characters may learn about one another or find in themselves through the relationship. I don't have anything against sex scenes (I love them!), but I prefer if a sex scene has a reason to exist within its story.

Some of the tropes and approaches I enjoy: right now, I really love hopeful endings, words that camouflage deeper/unspoken meanings, protectiveness, worry, extreme competence (with honest weakness), hurt/comfort, found or chosen families, partners against the world, nurturing via food/drink/warmth. Don't be afraid of the classics if you like 'em! Having to Share a Bed, Huddling for Warmth, Pretend Couple, situations where one suffers or sacrifices for the other, rescues, stranded somewhere (idyllic or non-), etc. And if you can write time travel of some sort, I'll probably fall in love with you.

Specific fandomsCollapse )

Out of the past

February 2017

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