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Never been like this before

or, So It's Come to This Part 2

After trying to talk myself out of making a vid from a crappy cam copy of Winter Soldier, I caved and made the thing. I don't even know myself anymore: I grew up in the VCR vidding era, and cam copies are way too much like vidding on copies of copies of copies of tapes, but they have the added bonus of people not being in frame or being squeezed on the sides of the frame because of the curvature of the screen. I apologize for crappy visuals. Last year I was so consumed with feels that I wanted to vid a cam copy of Pacific Rim, and when I mentioned it on the plane to VVC to killa and rache, they smiled indulgently, but I managed to allay that need until the discs came out. I have no such fortitude this time.

And yet I couldn't not, I don't know if anyone else will enjoy this song, but it spoke to me so much. My Steve + everyone feeeeeeels, let me show you them. I will absolutely be remastering this when I get the DVDs. I'm not going to post to my vid site, I think, until then (or I might, who knows).

It's a little tough to hear the rain sounds at the beginning if you don't have it turned up, but I also loved that this talks about a storm of epic proportions (it's from the movie Take Shelter, which you should all watch), because that's so much the theme of the movie.

Artist: Ben Nichols
Fandom: Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Summary: All I know is to keep you close.


See those storm clouds rollin' in
Just like I knew it would begin
Midnight sky at noon today
Shelter's still so far away

And I don't know just what we'll do
I don't know just where we'll go
All I know is we've got to move
All I know is to keep you close

Never been like this before
Stormin' match a paler horse
Water's red and the sky is black
Take my hand and don't look back

I don't know just what we'll do
I don't know just where we'll go
All I know is we've got to move
All I know is to keep you close

All I know is to keep you close
All I know is to keep you close

I don't know just what we'll do
I don't know just where we'll go
All I know is we've got to move
All I know is to keep you close, close

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May. 8th, 2014 09:35 pm (UTC)
Thank you for not resisting the urge to vid!

That was great and I am so full of the feelings, I NEED VIDS! NEED! You have done a great service to your fellow fen.
May. 9th, 2014 06:09 am (UTC)
Thank you so much! So my work has been a gift to mankind? ;-D ;-D

I too am just so full of feelings, it's stupid. I mean, I've spontaneously burst into tears while driving just because I suddenly thought about Bucky.

I don't have a lot of followers and friended people, so I really appreciate you taking the time to let me know you enjoyed it.
May. 9th, 2014 12:54 am (UTC)
Oh Gwyn! Oh Gwyn Oh Gwyn Oh Gwyn Oh Gwyn. I am going to spend all of Vividcon sitting in your lap like a puppy. We are obviously braintwins. Isn't it wonderful that at our age we can totally still lose it for a fandom like this!! \o/ Fountain of youth, baby!

I love this vid and I love you! Downloading it to play again and again...
May. 9th, 2014 06:14 am (UTC)
AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaa! This makes me so happy! I would love to have you curl into my lap and I can pet you and tell Bucky will be okay. Because then maybe I will believe it myself. I would love to have a braintwin -- I wasn't even that much of a braintwin with my actualfax twin so that would be AWESOME.

I just can't believe how many intense feelings this is giving me. Steve with his faaaaace and Sam with his twinkle and Natasha with her aura of awesome and then there's Bucky who BREAKS MY FUCKING HEART. And I mean, Pacific Rim kind of wrecked me so I was sort of fan-feelings immunocompromised already, you know?

Thank you so much for the Tumblr mention, too-- I'm not really sure why I ever bother putting my vids up there, since I have so few followers and I swear it's where my posts go to die, so that made me my heart grow two sizes. :-D
May. 9th, 2014 01:15 pm (UTC)
Dude, I was arguing about Bucky with astolat yesterday, because - look, I'm a fluffy person at heart, and I just want all the love and the healing out of this fandom - but moreover I really SEE it in the filmverse, I believe Bucky's going to be okay from what I saw. But also, the opposite aside from NOT being canon is too terrible to contemplate, because if you're going to say that Bucky's brain is forever fried you're basically having to write the story where he's got Peggy in one ward and Bucky in the other, and I am NOT writing that, fuck it. I've had enough of hospitals. I am on the team of LOVE BUCKY TO HEALTH in 1000 different ways. I've got three in progress so far! xoxoxo

Meanwhile what even IS your tumblr handle so I can link direct? I don't know who anybody is there but I am going to really give it the good college try (tumblr) with this fandom because it's where all the hot pictures are. :D
May. 9th, 2014 06:31 pm (UTC)
I'm teatotally on Tumblr -- I originally started it as my tea blog but then that sort of fell by the wayside. Honestly, though, I don't understand why I ever bother posting my fannish stuff there or sometimes even AO3 -- it's a study in depression for me because it really feeds my insecurity of nothing I do ever being good enough.

Anyway. I hope they don't follow canon too closely -- because though Bucky gets better, he does it away from Cap for a really long time. Steve knows he's out there, and Bucky's looking out for him, but they are apart for so many stories. So I think this movieverse tack of having him save Steve, of Steve being his last mission, is a much more wonderful way to go, and it of course opens up infinite possibilities for us. And it's cool because they have been pretty good about keeping to Bucky's mental state -- the "who the hell is Bucky" and the memories he grapples with in the bank vault are all true to Brubaker's comics, so I have faith that Bucky is going to be healed by the power of love. And since that is my second favorite trope, I'm hanging on to that like it's my lifejacket.

I'm SO EXCITE about you having stories already in the pipe. I haven't had any #$%$&#& time to write much of anything of significance, just the little double date story, and it's KILLING me. I have to finish this awful fucked up guidebook that's taking all my time, and I'm terrified all the ideas I have will float away -- I write them down, but a lot of times when I look at something later, the core of feeling has evaporated from it and I don't know what I wanted to achieve.

Edited at 2014-05-09 06:32 pm (UTC)
May. 9th, 2014 01:57 am (UTC)
This is so so so so lovely!!
May. 9th, 2014 06:33 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! I don't know that I've ever needed to vid something so badly. :-D
May. 9th, 2014 03:22 am (UTC)
Sweeeeeet. \o/
May. 9th, 2014 06:33 pm (UTC)
Thanks, darlin'!
May. 9th, 2014 05:39 am (UTC)
I really enjoyed that--it was an interesting mix of melancholy and hopeful.
May. 9th, 2014 06:35 pm (UTC)
Oh, thank you! Yeah, you know, it's that single key of a piano, I think, that creates that wonderful melancholy. It's just so effective (cf. all the awesome Springsteen songs that use it) in creating a mood. And then you have the hope of the friendships Steve builds in the movie, and of Bucky making a decision to save him instead of finishing the mission…yay. Hope.
May. 10th, 2014 01:24 am (UTC)
And the storm metaphor doesn't hurt. :)

What's so great is that all those beats are in the movie--it's not often that you get an action film with that depth and field of emotion, and you were able to pull that through clearly.
May. 10th, 2014 08:30 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I am SO glad I decided to rewatch Take Shelter the other night. Because I'd forgotten that I wanted to look up that song on the end credits until, well, the end credits rolled around, and then I was like, oh yeah, I remember I wanted that song for vidding purposes. Listening to it again, though, I just was like, holy shit, this is perfect for Cap 2. The universe was taking care of me for once.
May. 11th, 2014 01:36 am (UTC)
Sometimes things just wait around until you find the right fit for them. :)
(Deleted comment)
May. 9th, 2014 06:37 pm (UTC)
You see how easily I caved to my own pressure? Hah! I am hopeless.

Thank you so much for the lovely comments. I love the hope that he creates for himself by these new relationships, the future he's giving himself, when he was so locked away in the past.
May. 10th, 2014 03:07 pm (UTC)
This was lovely! Thank you for putting up with the lesser video quality. It was worth it.
May. 10th, 2014 08:32 pm (UTC)
Thank you!!!! You know, there are parts that hurt my visual quality heart, and I can't wait to remaster it so everyone's in frame, but overall, by focusing on the stiller shots, it worked out pretty well. I just have so frickin' many feelings for this thing.
May. 12th, 2014 03:54 am (UTC)

I feel like if anyone questions why I have seen the movie as many times as I have, I should just point them at this.
May. 12th, 2014 11:42 pm (UTC)
I was definitely thinking of you when I made it -- if I'd had the time, I'd have gone to see it as many times as you have. But I finally got my evil book off my desk this afternoon, so…tomorrow!! Yay, I have time enough to see it in the theatre again (as much as it's been a boon to be able to watch the cam, it's not the same at all). I know in a couple weeks, everyone will be taken over by X-Men, so I'm enjoying all the feels floating around right now.
May. 16th, 2014 01:54 am (UTC)
Oh my goodness, this is SO WONDERFUL. I love the literal closeness between characters in so many frames you've used - Steve and Natasha sort of in each other's pockets even though the genuine trust between them takes time to build; Steve and Sam falling into step with each other with such ease although not quite seeing eye to eye on everything; and then there's BUCKY in a chasm of his own crashing into Steve's space, all that history and love and intimacy gone jagged at the edges and yet still totally mirroring their past. SIGH.

Lovely work.
May. 19th, 2014 01:29 am (UTC)
Thank you SO MUCH! It was interesting working on it, because I hadn't realized in the theatre how many shots are framed in close-up or medium shots, which is really unusual for a movie. It made it really easy to get that intimacy that I think the song required.
May. 27th, 2014 05:44 am (UTC)
OMG OMG OMG ALL THE FEEEEEELINGS. OMG. Just. Everyone's FACES. That shot of the shield falling. INCREDIBLE.
May. 29th, 2014 10:15 pm (UTC)
Yayayayayayay. ::makes kermit flaily arms:: I have never been so consumed with needing to vid. Not even for Pacific Rim. I HAVE SO MANY FEEEEEELINGS.
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Out of the past

May 2017

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