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FEELings, nothing more than FEEEEELings

The past couple days have been rough, man. Monday evening, mrs. laugh track and belmanoir came for a visit and to watch something I'd DVRed for them, and Billy just flipped the fuck out. We'd had a really good day, because it was utterly beautiful weather unlike anything we normally get in April here, and I took him to Lincoln Park, where we strolled the old-growth woodland trails and went down to the beach -- his first beach! He really liked it!

I just don't know what it was that made him flip out about them, if it was the fact there were two people instead of the one we've had before (this isn't the first time we've had visitors), but he never stopped quaking and hiding, and then after they were gone he got worse. He kept hiding under the bed, and in the morning when I let him out to pee, he hid under the deck and wouldn't come out. I finally lured him out by sitting down and weeding, but it took over an hour. I went off to my physical therapy appointment, which was deeply painful in a really unusual way (something I'll write about later), and stopped to get something to eat, so I hoped that by being alone for a while, perhaps he'd chill a bit when I got home.

He seemed quieter, so I took him for a walk because that seems to make him more confident, only we got attacked by a German shepherd. There is this house being rebuilt a few streets over, and the contractors were (illegally) parked in the driveway and completely blocking the sidewalk. I could go into the street or I could walk around behind it, and I chose behind because I thought I'd seen someone get in the van before and I didn't want to get hit (there have been more than a few times walking a dog when I nearly got hit crossing someone's driveway). I heard someone yell "Better get your dog" to I assume the owner, but before I could understand what was happening, the dog was on Billy and trying to kill him. I turned, kicked at the dog, and then basically yanked him up by his collar, which was harsh but I figured a momentary strangulation was better than a puncture wound to an artery or a crushed neck.

I fucking hate German shepherds. They're the one dog I can't stand, I'm afraid of them generally, and I've been bitten by one and terrorized by them before, so I come by my hatred from experience. I was screaming, "What the fuck is wrong with you?" at the guys who'd come to pull the dog off. And one of the guys got all shirty with me, so I started yelling at him about parking his fucking truck in the fucking sidewalk -- basically my entire sentences devolved into "fuck" variations. So he started yelling back at me, and I was like, OK douchebag, it's on, I can call SPD and have them bring you a ticket for blocking the sidewalk. But then the owner came over and was apologizing like crazy, saying his dog had never done anything like that and he didn't mean to have her running around but he'd just got back from lunch or something. I wasn't interested.

Billy fear pees and so I was covered with stinking pee and trying to check him for wounds but it was impossible because he was flipping around like a landed fish. The guy asked me if I wanted his name and number and I said, "Uh, yeah." I mean, what, everything was OK? Geez. I don't think he was a shitty guy, but I can't stand people letting dangerous dogs run around like that where there's no fence or a flimsy fence. You can't ever assume that just because a dog hasn't hurt someone, they won't hurt them ever. That's not how dogs work, especially protective dogs like those. It probably saw us coming around the van, and decided to take us on. I didn't realize until I got home that something had bruised my hand (I don't know if I was bitten but didn't get a wound or what) and I'd pulled my calf muscle. The walk home was really hard, he was terrified. I had to take him to the vet and that terrified him more.

He has two abrasions on his lower belly near his penis, and a larger one on his side. Fortunately it was minor and just a bit of blood. But they gave him fluid for shock and of course antibiotics. I don't know if the other dog has had its rabies shots. I talked to animal control today and the guy was going to investigate but I don't know what he's found, if anything, and he left a report to be filled out at my house. The worst part was that Billy went back under the deck last night and wouldn't come out. I spent three hours in the backyard trying to trick him and lure him while having this horrible conversation with one of the rescue group people that kept dropping, over and over. I finally remembered I had one hamburger left from cooking a batch the other night, and so I heated it up and wafted it around the shrubbery in front of the deck. I didn't think he'd come out, but he must have smelled it, because when I went to the garage to get my kneeling pad so I could sit there and wave it around, he actually came out and I was finally able to grab his collar.

My friend thought I wouldn't want to go see Captain America: Winter Soldier as we'd planned but I was like, please, I need a break. I'm so glad we got to go.

I would actually like to write a lot more about this, because I have so many thoughts roiling around in my head, but writing all this out has made me feel crappy again so I'll just do highlights right now.

- Natasha! Oh, I loved her here, so very very much. Her friendship with Cap, the way she wanted to find him a date, how smart and courageous she was, yet so very human. The scene that really brought it home for me was when she took on the winter soldier, and how even knowing she was mismatched, she went after him anyway and then when she got shot, the look on her face that mirrored the look on her face when she came face to face with the Hulk in Avengers. She's so human yet so very much more than that.

- Sam! I think they did a pretty good balancing act with him, making him a little more real-world with the mechanical wings, but I confess I miss his telepathic connection to birds. But he's still sass king and good and strong.

- Nick Fury! It's so easy to forget that he's a total badass because so much of what we see of him is administrative. But that scene with the assassination attempt in the car was a fantastic reminder of just how much of a badass he truly is. I'll be interested to see how closely they hew to the comics in terms of him being "dead" and running things behind the scenes through Agent 13 (and Bucky? who knows if they'll do that), but I think it's obvious that Maria Hill and Sharon Carter are going to be a part of whatever he does.

- Speaking of, Maria and Sharon were wonderful in small roles. I had honestly expected that Sharon was only going to show up as an assistant or something to Lukin Pierce, so it was a very pleasant surprise that she identified herself earlier and that she took a stand along with that poor, poor technician guy.

- Cap!!! You know, I never cared about either Captain America or Chris Evans (outside of The Losers) all that much, didn't really think about them, but there was something about the idea of the Winter Soldier that had hit something in me, and then the movie came out and gave me a twist on Bucky that really worked for me (it didn't hurt already being a Sebastian Stan fan). I have massive Bucky feels, especially because I have a thing about stories where someone's been mindwiped or whatever, and it's the Power of Love or Power of Friendship that bring their memories back and reminds them of who they are. So it was guaranteed to work for me, but what I never expected was that I would fall so in love with Steve Rogers. He's such a good guy, but he's not naive or innocent or a lot of the things people have portrayed him as in bad fanfic. I love that he cares so much about people and social justice, and to him freedom is more than just a buzzword and he's wiling to sacrifice everything for it. I've known a couple people who didn't like his line about "the rest of my barbershop quartet are dead" but I love it -- it shows a winking self-awareness that I think many iterations of Captain America didn't have, and I do think he'd enjoy skewering his own image in situations like that. He's having trouble integrating into this world, but he's got a handle on his image and what people expect of him.

- and of course, Bucky. Man, Sebastian Stan is the master of the thousand-yard stare, isn't he? God, my heart just broke for him. And I've read the comics! But that scene where he says he knew Cap, and then the resigned way he puts the biteguard in his mouth, before the screams start, augh. I would have been sniffly if I'd been alone. (Also, wow, Sebastian be working out lately, huh?) And how hard he fights against Steve's goodness, how much he resists admitting that Steve is right and that he was once a human being instead of an "asset" who's little more than an automaton and that that human being was Steve's friend, it just...it was both heartrending and joyous because I got to see that come to life with these two great actors, right out of those panels from the books. God, I loved seeing him come to life, with that mask and that arm and that uniform. I'd seen people gripe about the raccoon eyes look, but I LOVE that. The more disheveled he gets, the better. He's yummy and heartbreaking and awesome and devastating all at the same time. And that tag! Almost everyone in the theatre had left by then, so of course they all missed that deliciously agonizing scene.

I don't usually go see the Marvel movies again in the theatre, I saw Avengers a second time mostly because the first time had given me such a crushing headache. But I'm already trying to plan another showing. I have other things to say about the stuff that bothered me (there was plenty), but right now I just want to focus on the good stuff -- and those good parts were so very very good.

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Comments

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belmanoir
Apr. 10th, 2014 06:36 am (UTC)
1. Oh dear. Poor Billy! That sounds like a NIGHTMARE. People really need to keep their fucking dogs on leashes when they're out and about, especially big ones!

2. THAT BITEGUARD. OMG THAT BITEGUARD KILLED ME DEAD. <3333333333333333333333
gwyn_r
Apr. 10th, 2014 11:11 pm (UTC)
OMG that whole scene, I just. The way he just lay back and let them put that biteguard in and just kept trying to puzzle out why he knew that man...here he is, surrounded by these sadistic ratfuckers that he could take down in a matter of minutes, but he's so damaged he just lets them put that thing in and go on about their detestable business and he knows it's going to be agony and oh god, I have so many feelings I can't even. And it's going to be years before we get to see more of this in a movie. AUGH. I can't deal.

Edited at 2014-04-10 11:37 pm (UTC)
ixchel55
Apr. 10th, 2014 06:53 am (UTC)
The owner of the German Shepherd needs to pay for the vet bills at the very least. I don't have a problem with Shepherds that have been trained properly but I do have a problem with aggressive dog breeds that aren't properly restrained. Poor Billy. And poor you!

As an aside - I'm going to see Winter Soldier tomorrow.
gwyn_r
Apr. 10th, 2014 11:13 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I don't know what'll happen, but I left him a message and another animal control guy came by this afternoon to get more details and to try to find the guy.

I hope you have fun at Winter Soldier. It's so good!
trepkos
Apr. 10th, 2014 07:35 am (UTC)
Oh, poor Billy - I hope he heals, and gets his confidence back soon.
gwyn_r
Apr. 10th, 2014 11:14 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I have a feeling it's going to be a much longer rehabilitation at this point. He was doing really well until all this happened.
mackiemesser
Apr. 11th, 2014 06:12 am (UTC)
Poor little guy! I hope he (and you, too) feels better soon.
gwyn_r
Apr. 15th, 2014 07:13 am (UTC)
I'm kind of heartbroken -- they thought it might be good for him to be in a home with some other dogs he could model after, and since I was going to Pacificon this weekend, I brought him up there on Friday night. I cried going home -- I don't usually get that attached that quickly to a dog, but I really loved him, and after everything he'd been through I felt so guilty sticking him in a new stress situation (he settled in quickly, I guess, but it was stressful for him at first). I miss him very much already.
mackiemesser
Apr. 16th, 2014 02:50 am (UTC)
Aw, that's a bum deal. :( He definitely seemed like a guy who was easy to love. I hope he's happy in the new place.
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