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In which I am overcome by feels

Ugh, I haven't posted in an age. I was doing pretty good for a while, recovering from that flu and all, and then I kind of relapsed a bit and was battling the cough again and feeling run-down. I think it's the new medication I'm trying out, one that's supposed to prevent needing to pee all the time. Among the legion of side effects mentioned was feeling congested, sinus congestion, cough, and feverish skin. Yay. It was just hard to tell whether it was the drugs or relapsing. But it does seem to work at night. I'm not certain yet whether the side effects are worth it, though -- I mean, I still have to get up about a billion times a night, but at least that's down from a squajillion. It also makes me really itchy about an hour after I take it, just in time to flail around in bed.

Then I got a migraine on Monday post-workout, which meant I missed the Passover seder at [personal profile] belmanoir and [personal profile] mrs_laugh_track's place, which I always enjoy. And it was still there at the dentist on Tuesday, which made the ordeal of the dentist extra special fun, and also last week sometime I woke up with my jaw completely locked and in a wrong position, and spent about three days trying to get my mouth to open wide enough for food, and it's still really tender and slipping in and out of position.

They gave me the bad news that I have three cavities. I was so depressed. I have never had cavities until a few years ago, and I'm eating better than I ever have in my life and drink way less sugar and stuff than I ever have, but every time there is something wrong with my teeth. My fucking body is falling apart with age, and it sucks. Since I have no insurance, being a freelancer, this is all out of pocket, and I have to have two appointments, because my mouth is so small that it's really hard for me to handle lengthy procedures. I am really dreading Monday like crazy.

While I was sick, I was overcome with this desire to see Steve and Kayla clips from Days of Our Lives, back in the 1980s. And also their reunion in 2006. I don't know why, but it was obsessive, and when I looked on YouTube I found hundreds of clips of them, whereas when I last looked, probably about 2009, there wasn't all that much. I have been positively WALLOWING in Steve and Kayla goodness. I had tea today with [personal profile] sdwolfpup, and we were lamenting that state of being where you're just OVERCOME with feels for a pairing or a fandom, and no one else is -- especially if it's long past its heyday -- and there's no one to share it with, so you're just sitting there obsessively watching things and just DYING to share them with someone, but of course you can't, so they build up in you and you feel like you'll explode.

That's what it's been like for me for the past few weeks. I discovered a couple folks have made playlists of clips edited solely for Steve and Kayla's storyline, and it's just...I cannot get enough. And seriously, like I was telling SDW, I can draw straight lines from Steve to almost everyone I have loved in the past 20 years in fandom, or at least make a venn diagram where different aspects of personalities overlap in huge circles. He is like this crucible character who forged everything I want in a fannish BSO. (Like, I was thinking the other night watching Walking Dead that there's an arrow-straight, short line from Steve to Daryl Dixon. It's a lovely symmetry, or maybe a fearful one?)

I didn't even see the storyline with him leading up to where they decided to redeem him and make him an antihero and supercouple with Kayla -- so that has been really cool. He was a fucking PSYCHO, too, which is really entertaining. The only thing I'd ever seen was him kidnapping Hope in the Miami storyline in '85, where he ties her up and torments her, and I remember thinking, wow, who is THAT guy, and also why, if he's threatening Hope, do she and him have such awesome chemistry and a kind of strange almost-friendship quality? Then I didn't see him again until he told Victor he wouldn't follow Kayla anymore, and they beat him up and she found him and took care of his sexy wounds and made him take his eye patch off. I was hooked by then. So it's been such a hoot to see all these clips in the interim, of him coming to Salem, tormenting Kayla while falling for her, slowly turning into a good guy. I never got to see any of that at the time, and I thank god for the fans who kept those freaking videotapes all those years instead of, like me, recording over the good stuff.

I wish I could figure out how to DL the clips off YouTube -- the latest downloader I can find doesn't seem to work on whatever encoding YouTube's doing right now, and none of the tape/dvd offers I've found seem to have current addresses, or at least, no one's replying. Because man, I want to make a vid. The vidmakers are just...not very good, they don't have a vidding aesthetic, really, it's just throw long talky face clips at the screen, and I feel this need to make something EPIC and full of feels for Steve and Kayla. I'm going to keep looking, because it's like feels threat level red here, and it needs to be done, even if there's no one to share it with. Like SDW said, at least I'd have one good vid that I could watch over and over on my own whenever I needed a shot of EPIC LOVE STORY.

Ahem. Anyway, that really did help me get over my flu and stuff.

Now if I could just get over making my vid for Vidukon, which is due this weekend, arg, and my Club Vivid vid, and the work piling up, and everything else, I'd be good to go.

So, how are you all? What's shakin', bacons?

Comments

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batwrangler
Mar. 28th, 2013 11:43 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry to hear about your teeth and stuff -- I also have a small mouth and have started getting cavities and enamel erosion after years of having good teeth. Growing old is definitely growing old. *hugs*
gwyn_r
Mar. 30th, 2013 03:17 am (UTC)
It really sucks. Really, really sucks. I mean, I expected my body to break down, but I wasn't expecting my teeth to go bad.
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