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- I would give anything to see that production of Tosca. I have seen only one staging of Tosca in my lifetime, and it was interesting, but damn, the one in the movie looked beyond cool. Especially that eye/iris!

- No matter how many hundreds of things I watch with Daniel Craig in them, I am always stunned anew at how beautifully that man wears clothes. No matter what he wears, he wears it perfectly. The suit when he travels to Bolivia was so perfectly exquisite it took my breath away. And even just the black polo shirt and chino trousers were impeccable.

- Judi Dench rules the world, and if someone doesn't know that, they need only see this movie and watch her take off her makeup.

- Mathieu Almaric makes little girly screams and they are funny.

- They pulled out all the stops in trailerville. The new Star Trek trailer, the Watchmen trailer (I think Jeffrey Dean Morgan is going to make this movie for me, oddly, but he seems so right in the trailer), 2012, and so on. Anything big and attention hogging, it was there.

_________________________

And following up on my post yesterday, I was trying to explain to someone about this, and I find I really don't know how. It's not that birthdays are for attention and pressies and such, it's that it was something I shared with someone for 45 years. The idea of a birthday as a single event where you get attention and stuff isn't what I get out of it -- because for most of my life, it was me and sis_r, and we often got one present between the two of us to share, or what have you. It was that it was a shared event. Having a solo birthday is so mind-bogglingly lonely to me. The first couple years after she died, I went to Vancouver with a friend to try to forget about it, but now it's home alone. There's no build-up, no planning what to get sis_r, mailing it or waiting for her to come up here and picking her up at the airport, no cards to buy, no phone calls, no shopping. In the same way I don't know how to explain what it's like to grow up with someone else like that, I don't know how to explain how hugely alone and empty I feel.

It's just... things are hard lately, anyway, and the idea of being alone at a time when I never have been before is weighing me down. And that's still an inadequate explanation. But it's all I got.

Comments

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feochadn
Nov. 26th, 2008 09:30 pm (UTC)
I want to BE Judi Dench when I grow up.

You still haven't picked a birthday cake...
varina8
Nov. 27th, 2008 03:35 am (UTC)
You and me both.
gwyn_r
Nov. 27th, 2008 07:49 am (UTC)
I did too!! I said Black Forest Cherry Cake. Dude, how drunk were you?!
(Anonymous)
Nov. 26th, 2008 09:32 pm (UTC)
I didn't say so yesterday, but I had to smile when I found out that sis_r got you dorky cards. Every year around the time of youses birthday you've revealed something about her that I didn't previously know.

And yes, I completely understand that it was the ritual that meant as much to you as any gift.
kadymae
Nov. 26th, 2008 09:32 pm (UTC)
I didn't say so yesterday, but I had to smile when I found out that sis_r got you dorky cards. Every year around the time of youses birthday you've revealed something about her that I didn't previously know.

And yes, I completely understand that it was the ritual that meant as much to you as any gift.
gwyn_r
Nov. 27th, 2008 07:53 am (UTC)
Oh god, yeah. They were so goofy -- they had this kind of earnest quality, and it didn't matter if they were earnest attempts at humor that had that musty feeling of old jokes you'd heard a million years ago, or warm touching regards that felt like bad high school poetry. They were just so lame! A lot of them, too, were leftovers from when she was a rep for a greeting card company. I told her that those were the cards she couldn't sell since no one would buy them. ;-)

You really nailed it -- the ritual. The comfort of knowing something was there and it was part of our lives no matter how much we bickered and quibbled.
glinda_w
Nov. 26th, 2008 09:40 pm (UTC)
There's (part of) a production of Tosca in that movie? OK, now I have to see it. (Tosca was my favorite opera from, oh, ages 13 to 28 - at 28 I encountered the Bergman film of The Magic Flute, which stole my heart.)

take care,

--g
gwyn_r
Nov. 27th, 2008 07:55 am (UTC)
If you like Tosca, you will be both happy and also gnash your teeth wildly. Because it's such a cool, modern production and it just looks so unbelievably *grand* but then they only show brief snippets of it crosscut with the Bond action. Really, it's one of those "why can't I be rich" situations where I could fly over there and make them perform it for me.
gwyn_r
Nov. 27th, 2008 08:22 am (UTC)
Hey! WOW, a little digging found this. And apparently it was a real staging from 2007 and it sounds like it's on DVD. Guess what I'm going to be doing? ;-)

http://mostlyopera.blogspot.com/2008/10/james-bond-quantum-of-solace-scene-from.html
kassrachel
Nov. 26th, 2008 09:59 pm (UTC)
What you're saying about the solitariness of birthdays now makes sense to me. I hadn't thought of it that way.

I do still wish I could open up that wormhole between your coast and mine. It would be so awesome to hang out with you on Friday.
gwyn_r
Nov. 27th, 2008 07:56 am (UTC)
Where is the Star Trek technology when we need it? I could just set my coordinates and be there!
ann1962
Nov. 26th, 2008 10:04 pm (UTC)
In the same way I don't know how to explain what it's like to grow up with someone else like that, I don't know how to explain how hugely alone and empty I feel.

::hugs::

I only see this just a little with my son, as he never had time with his brother, so I can't imagine how hard it is for you. The longer you have had them, the harder it is.

Perhaps you could do something in her name, something she would like, or get a kick out of. Something silly and joy inducing, because dorky always loves silly.

My thoughts are with you.
gwyn_r
Nov. 27th, 2008 08:00 am (UTC)
Thank you -- it's nice to know, in a way, even though the experiences are different, that you are so connected to what I am saying sometimes. I know only a few other people who are twins in this part of my life, and so it's very comforting knowing that someone's seen this from another side. It makes me sad, though, too, thinking of your son and what he never got the chance to know, not to mention how much it must hurt for you not to have seen that. {{hugs you back for the memories you do have to cherish::
ann1962
Nov. 27th, 2008 02:04 pm (UTC)
I think he is realizing what he doesn't have. He's almost 10 (which is mind blowing in all sorts of ways related to this). But seeing how you handle this helps me realize how he feels about what he is missing and maybe if I'm really lucky, how to help him deal. So thank you.
minim_calibre
Nov. 26th, 2008 10:06 pm (UTC)
I can never, as a non-twin, know how it feels, but I'm sorry. I expect that the social expectations of a birthday, where you're supposed to be happy and celebratory, make the empty space where sis_r should be feel even larger and colder than it ordinarily would.

Judi Dench is pure awesome. We, sadly, did not get the Watchman trailer at our showing of Bond (my org at work went). We did get Fast and Furious, and I managed to slightly embarrass myself with vocal glee.
gwyn_r
Nov. 27th, 2008 08:03 am (UTC)
That is actually very perfectly expressed -- the empty space feeling larger and colder. And it's funny -- you spend your life thinking a birthday is all about someone other than you, so it makes little sense when it becomes solely about you. Something that you looked forward to for different reasons than many do for their birthdays -- only now you don't have those reasons anymore.

We didn't get Fast and Furious, so now I'm all disappointed. Hm. Maybe that means I have to go see it again elsewhere. What hardship.
rattlecatcher
Nov. 26th, 2008 10:42 pm (UTC)
I'm puzzled, I admit, by people who are confused by your response to your birthday. I haven't suffered any loss that would compare to this, so if you say birthdays are tough because your sister is gone, well, OK then. I may not be capable of making it any better, but I think it would only make it worse to tell you that birthdays are all about YOU YOU YOU.

My mother always tells me that people mean well. I'm sure they do. But do they have to mean well in the vicinity of someone's fist? It just seems like a set up to tears or blood. :/
gwyn_r
Nov. 27th, 2008 08:05 am (UTC)
I think sometimes that people are very limited by their own experiences, and the older I get, the more I realize that most people aren't gifted by empathy or an ability to project themselves into others' shoes. I used to think anyone could if they tried, but more and more I realize that some people just aren't even capable of it -- they don't necessarily mean it to be harsh, but they can't *see* any other possibilities than what they understand.
klia
Nov. 26th, 2008 10:57 pm (UTC)
After K and I saw QoS, I said we should send a thank you gift to Daniel Craig's tailor. Because... holy crap! *thud*

We got mostly crap trailers: some Will Smith thing that looked dull as shit (twice!); a schlock Jim Carrey flick with Bradley Cooper looking gorgeous, and Rhys Darby from Flight of the Conchords (sorry, not even for them!); Valkyrie, which... blech; and the Keanu The Day The Earth Stood Still, which at least looked visually interesting. Honestly, who do they think is going to see QoS, anyway?

::birthday hugs::
gwyn_r
Nov. 27th, 2008 08:09 am (UTC)
We got Valkyrie and DtESS too -- and I have to admit, as much as Valkyrie makes me twitchy in some respects, I also am agog at the cast, and the story itself is really amazing. I have to wait to read reviews to get a better sense of where I'll stand and if Cruise will kill it totally for me.

The thing that killed me where those beige chino trousers and the trousers on the suit I mentioned. Both had a narrow, short leg with no "break" at the bottom, but they were absolutely exquisitely shaped and the exact perfect length. I noticed in the credits that a lot of his clothing was from Tom Ford, which shouldn't have surprised me. Extremely modern yet perfectly, classically styled.
klia
Nov. 27th, 2008 10:09 pm (UTC)
I have to wait to read reviews to get a better sense of where I'll stand and if Cruise will kill it totally for me.

Seeing all of those amazing Brit actors in the trailer, and then TC with his American accent, pretty much already killed it for me.

Both had a narrow, short leg with no "break" at the bottom, but they were absolutely exquisitely shaped and the exact perfect length.

You're right, they're the perfect length, even though we've gotten so used to pants having breaks that they almost read as too short. And perfectly fitted. Mmm. High marks to Tom Ford!
carose59
Nov. 26th, 2008 11:53 pm (UTC)
I suspect the birthday thing is not unlike my anniversary thing--it was our day. The day still arrives, and I'm still here, but what's the point?

Only your birthday thing would be harder, because people know your birthday, and they want to do things to celebrate.
gwyn_r
Nov. 27th, 2008 08:12 am (UTC)
I can't even imagine how hard it would be to get past an anniversary with the one you loved like that. It's supposed to be, what, another day like any other because the person is no longer there and you no longer have the relationship? Like somehow all that vanished with the person's body? Gah.

You know, I still mark my parents' anniversary, and I don't even think Dad remembers it anymore.
belmanoir
Nov. 27th, 2008 12:00 am (UTC)
::hugs::

i'm really sorry.

also, i know it's not at all the same and maybe you've had other offers in the meantime, but i'd love to hang out with you on friday if you wanted to.
gwyn_r
Nov. 27th, 2008 08:13 am (UTC)
Oh, thank you sweetie. That is really kind. So far, a friend has offered up some tv and a dinner at this place they go to each week, but maybe there's something else we can do if you're around. (Watch the latest Flashpoint DLs?)
belmanoir
Nov. 27th, 2008 02:25 pm (UTC)
I get off work at 1:30, but anything after that works for me. Nothing super late though because I have work at 5 AM the day after. :)

And yay, Flashpoint! I can't remember how you feel about talking during TV though. Flashpoint gets kind of emotional for me so if talking to the screen (not, you know, while people are talking because I like to hear dialogue) is an issue perhaps something else would be smart. I would love to have Deadwood or Keen Eddie or Life on Mars pimped to me, and there's always due South...
hypertwink
Nov. 27th, 2008 12:06 am (UTC)
And even just the black polo shirt and chino trousers were impeccable.

Yup, I loved that ensemble more than any of the awesome clothes that he wore...well, not more than the trunks in Casino Royale. Guh. Anyway, I told my mom that he's the most stylish Bond ever. I mena, all of the Bonds could wear a suit and a tux fine but ordinary clothes tend to not be as awesome. Unlike Daniel Craig. He even makes a sling hot.
gwyn_r
Nov. 27th, 2008 08:16 am (UTC)
No kidding. He does something with even the simplest of outfits that just makes me melt into a gooey puddle. I think part of it is his ruggedness and the very masculine way he moves, but a lot of it is just something indefinable. He's perfect.
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