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Stupid plastic piece of crap

I'm wondering if anyone in the vast knowledge of my flists might know the answer to this--searching has given me nothing. I've spent over an hour trying to poke around on my iPad and turn things off to see if it helped, and nothing's working.

I have beta'd for someone using google docs on my iPad twice now, and the first time everything was a piece of cake, it worked really well for me because I can't sit at a computer for long, so I could read lying down and comment as necessary. This time, though, it was doing this weird thing that baffles me: it was slow as molasses, taking time to register each letter I typed as though it was searching for something, and then it was trying to autofill contact names I didn't even recognize. I eventually just started randomly typing in names to see if it was their contacts list or mine, and it looks like they are really really old contacts I don't even much remember--probably people who wrote back in the very early days of email. They're not even people I have in a contacts list, just…random people I don't even recognize for the most part.

I can't find anything about this in a search. I've turned off iCloud (kind of irrelevant, because it's my old email address, and I don't use it, because it won't let me change my email address for love or money), I've turned off the ability to access contacts, I've got locatin sharing off, basically anything I can think of. Nothing changes. It still randomly pops up with that little circle that iOS now gives you of contacts, with their initials, and the name and email address, trying to insert that into the comments I'm trying to leave on the google doc.

I'd like to use this if someone asks me to beta for them again, but not if this is going to be the case, because it's a level of maddening I can't quite deal with. I'm updating the OS right now, but I don't have a lot of hope that'll change. I can't figure out why it worked so well before (and works just fine on the computer and laptop), but won't let me comment on the iPad without trying to insert an email contact from someone I'm not even in contact with.

(And no, the person who's sent these has never seen this either. It seems to just be happening to me.) Has anyone else encountered this? It's freaking bizarre.

God I hate Chicago

I fucking knew it. I just knew this would happen--I made plans to stay in Chicago for a week after Vividcon to see Sebastian Stan at Wizard World, something I’ve never done before (I’m not usually an actor-con type person), but I figured I was in the city anyway and he’ll never come out here to the Northwest. Guess who just cancelled?


And now I’m stuck there with a nonrefundable plane ticket and the costs of all these goddamn hotels, and there’s literally no one I give a shit about seeing there other than meeting up with my friends who were also going to see Sebastian. They didn’t even say whether the refund means the entire cost of admission, or if I’ll have to buy an actual pass for the fucking con, a con I really have no interest in attending. I have always hated Chicago--every time I go there something shitty happens, last year was the only year I’ve gone where it was actually a relatively pleasant trip and no disasters. I should have known.


I am so bummed. I didn’t really care about the autographs, but I was looking forward to actually seeing his pretty face in person and he's always such an entertaining panelist.

Jul. 19th, 2016

Today/last night is the worst day.

A year ago, I lost my beloved kitty Olive, and I know she was just a cat, but not a day goes by still that I don't think of her and miss her and hurt over how she died. When I started pulling out my summer stuff to wear there was still her fur on a lot of things, and I occasionally find the little toys she buried in odd places around the house.

And it's five years ago that we lost Sandy, and I still miss her so much it aches and her laugh and her sense of humor. I was vidding a lot the last few months, and I kept trying to hear the Snady voice in my head reminding me of things, and just wishing I could hear the real voice.

I know I never seem to post much here these days except sadness and fic announcements. I guess that's a fairly good summary of my life lately. There doesn't seem to be a lot in between, but I keep hoping to do better, and be more active.

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New fic: Stealing Home

The last of the baseball series, for Steve Rogers's birthday.

Stealing Home (6737 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes, Steve Rogers, Avengers Team (MCU)
Additional Tags: Baseball, Birthday, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Steve Rogers Feels, Kissing
Series: Part 5 of Batter Up (Baseball)
Summary:

They sat that way for some time, keeping their eyes on the field, enjoying the companionship, when one of those random memories about Steve that bedazzled him from time to time sparked inside him, warm and fond.

“We played ball during the war, didn’t we? Or we tried to and...you were too good to play. Something like that.”

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Prompts

I've been trying to fill the prompts people left me a few weeks ago in my DW. I've only managed to do two so far, but I hope I can do at least one this weekend if not two; sorry it's taken so long, it's just been work busy and other things busy and I'm trying to beat the VVC deadline as well.

I'll try to update this post as I get more. I never know what to do with these things, though--I think they're all going to be pretty short, so it seems like maybe consolidating them would be good, that last time I posted all the kissing commentfics separately and I don't know if that's just irritating, especially if you're subscribed to someone's page. So I haven't done anything except post the little memorial day ficlet to my AO3 page because that wasn't for a prompt.

I'm still open to prompts, too, if you're interested. Links so far:

Bucky rediscovering something he enjoys | on Tumblr (with some changes)
Did Sam and Bucky try to talk Steve out of the Beetle

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Hey, wait, I got a new complaint

Ugh, I'm sicker than a dog, and there is all this stuff to do and deadlines to meet. Usually the first three days of a cold are the worst and then I get better; it's been the opposite this time, I was just mildly inconvenienced the first three days and then yesterday got hit with full-on Martian Death Flu.

Nevertheless I had wanted to do something for my 3,000th post on Tumblr, because normally I never notice the milestones but for some reason I did this time, and it was Memorial Day, and I was watching the first Captain America movie and thinking about that great kid who gets thrown in the water, and wrote this dumb little tumblr ficlet that you can also read here.

DedicationCollapse )

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I'm faded

Man, I know lately it's been a struggle for me, with so many things that keep piling up and piling up on the depression (watching my fandom get eaten alive, constantly getting confronted with these people who hate my fic/me and the really shitty things they say, my pain levels getting worse and worse and no real way out of it, that feeling like everything's falling apart in slo-mo and I don't have anyone left in my life to help me put the brakes on, they're all dead), but I wasn't expecting to have a guest lecture tip me over the edge into full meltdown mode yesterday. I don't know how people who teach for a living do it. My hat is off to you. Seriously. Especially people who teach adult learners who act like they actively don't want to learn.

I used to teach in the editing program at the University of Washington, but I can't say I ever enjoyed it, though there was always a rock star student or two who made it feel worthwhile; then the program wanted to make my optional practicum course mandatory and I was like, nope, not enough spoons, too busy with paying jobs (the sheer volume of work it would have entailed at the laughable compensation they were giving me was ridiculous), and ended up creating a one-day proofreading workshop through the program instead. I really enjoyed that so much more, despite the constant fucking-up the program support staff did on it, and the people who took it seemed to mostly enjoy it and get a lot of useful information. Then the U decided to not offer it, without telling me or involving me in the decision, and so now I just do guest lectures on some of the stuff I used to teach in the practicum at the now-mandatory class. I went a few weeks ago to the first of the spring classes--two different units, one in a.m. and one in p.m., and then the second set yesterday.

And they're completely black and white: what I'm talking about is kind of boring and unpleasant, building an editing career stuff, so I try to make it funny and engaging and lively, and the morning crowd both times was enthusiastic, engaged, laughing at all my jokes, asking lots of questions. Thanking me afterward for coming. The afternoon crowd is…well, dead, my friend who runs the class called it, but it felt almost hostile both times. They sat there unmoving, staring at me, even a couple who had resting hate face maybe but they seemed like they were glaring, unresponsive, never laughed or even smiled except one lone woman, and had no questions. Either time, not a single question. Both times this guy sat sort of right in front of me so I couldn't avoid him in the sight line and he never moved once, just sat there staring at me with what felt like contempt, it was downright creepy.

And something about that just made all this other stuff (and there's a lot of it, not just those things I mentioned) just implode inside me and it was a struggle not to come home and buy a package of double stuff Oreos and a carton of Ho-Hos and a 2-liter bottle of Pepsi and maybe a bottle of vodka and eat until I barfed myself into a coma (I didn't though). I don't even know why that was the final straw, but it just…ugh. And then reading this constant attack on characters I love in the Cap-verse made me wander around the house wringing my hands and urgently texting people my anguish, who couldn't respond because they have, you know, a life.

I have to get the energy/motivation to work on a VVC premieres vid but I'm at sea about what to do with it; I feel like the last couple vids I've made have been pretty abject failures. I came out of Winter Soldier with at least 12 story ideas and a burning desire to write; the closing of the canon in Civil War makes me not even want to finish the unwritten things I have, though I'm officially signed up for the Stucky Big Bang and have sent in my summary, so I have to do that.

Maybe I should take a page out of [personal profile] sholio's book, which is always a good book to take from: Send me a prompt with Captain America-verse characters and I'll write at least a 100-word ficlet for you in comments. I can't promise it'll be right away, and I can't promise to do all of them (especially if it's not in my wheelhouse) but I'll do my best with my admittedly limited spoons right now.

Meta-ing again

I haven't said anything about Civil War because historically, people really haven't been interested so it doesn't seem worth it, but I did just write a long honking meta piece on Tumblr about this one thing that's been bugging the shit out of me since the first trailer came out, and that I'd really hoped the movie would address, but didn't. Not that I expect the imaginary reader to be interested in that either but hey, it's out there and you can read it if you want there since I'm having so much trouble copying and pasting it here. I'm up for discussion here but not if you're going to scream at me, I don't have the spoons.

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All we’ve got (is what no one can break) (2323 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Characters: Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes, Clint Barton, Sam Wilson
Additional Tags: Captain America: Civil War Trailer, Interlude, Artist Steve Rogers
Series: Part 3 of Interludes
Summary:

The modern world, the job of soldiering, has somehow not diminished the artist within who always saw the world in a way a camera couldn’t capture, that vision in his eyes as if he was in touch with something far away.

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Baby you're much too fast

x-posted from tumblr:

I wrote a scene in my recent fic Don’t Wait Up for Me where Bucky’s kind of almost half-dancing around the room and Sam asks him to teach him some of his old dance moves. In my head it was Little Red Corvette. 1999. All the Prince songs that are full of such joie de vivre that you can’t help but move to them, all on one of Sam’s favorite playlists.

I cannot really believe that he’s gone. We keep losing all these artists who have made such a difference in our lives, brought us so much joy and insight and beauty. 

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Apr. 14th, 2016

You know, I suppose the silver lining of not many people reading your fic is that when you find that line you wrote on the back of a receipt or a scrap of notebook paper in your pocket after you've posted, you can keep working on it.

Disorganization is my deuce power.

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Final Chapter update: Don't Wait Up for Me

Don’t Wait Up for Me (37510 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapters: 5/5
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes & Sam Wilson
Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton, Tony Stark
Additional Tags: Friendship, Forget Your Past, Action/Adventure, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Bucky Barnes and His Terrible Plans, Shaving, Hair Washing, Closure, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Reunions
Summary:

“This was the last place where I knew who Bucky Barnes was. No matter how many times they stuffed the Soldier inside me, or tried to rip the old Bucky out, a little bit of him still hung on inside, you know? I just need to see that place where it all changed.”



Complete now.

Chapter update: Don't Wait Up for Me

Don’t Wait Up for Me (35994 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapter 4: Blind Alley

Chapter Summary: “It feels like a dream,” Bucky said idly, and he recalled it: that liminal moment when the ice came down and he wasn’t blank and black inside just yet, and flashes of a life he knew couldn’t have been his shone in his mind.

An informal announcement since I'm hoping to have the completed one later. There’s one more chapter, the epilogue, coming very shortly, maybe even by tonight if I can get rewrites done. 

Fanfic panel at Emerald City Comic Con

I posted this at my Tumblr but then forgot to post it here:

Hey guys, if you’re going to Emerald City Comic Con next weekend, I’m going to be on a panel about fanfiction, Slash, Shipping, and Online Communities: Why Fanfiction Matters – you should come!

I confess I think this is kinda hilarious, since I’m not a BNF, hell, I’m not even what you could call popular and I sometimes think I couldn’t get people to read my fic if I threw $20 bills at them like a stripper in reverse. But the lovely Zoe and Ruby asked me to be on it, so I said yes, and there are other cool people on the panel like lettered and Astrid from AO3. It’s also funny because I’m not a wide reader – I tend to focus on a narrow range of fic, and kind of keep to my own little corner. But god knows, I’m never short on opinions.

The panel is on Saturday at the dinner hour, 5:30-6:30, so I have no idea what to expect, but if you’d like to come talk about fanfic, join us! We’ll also be doing a livestream, I guess, on Sunday morning, which terrifies me since I look even worse on camera than I do in real life, but I don’t know where that is on the schedule–I think it’s at 11:15 am PT and you may be able to watch it without attending?

I’m hoping to talk about one of my favorite topics, which is that fic allows us to delve into characters or relationships that would never be center stage, or even allowed to happen, in the source material (my personal fave: Bucky having friendships with characters like Pepper Potts or Clint Barton). But I’m sure there’ll be a lot of other fun stuff to discuss. I hope to see you there!

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Fic update: Don't Wait Up for Me

Don’t Wait Up for Me (25801 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapter 3: Forget Your Past
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes & Sam Wilson
Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, Natasha Romanov
Additional Tags: Closure, Soul-Searching, Friendship, Forget Your Past, Action/Adventure, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Bucky Barnes and His Terrible Plans, Not All Brutalism Is Ugly
Summary:

From the moment Steve had gotten Bucky back he’d been preparing to lose him again.

I Meant What I Said When I Said Until My Dying Day (3000 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Characters: Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Scott Lang, Wanda Maximoff
Additional Tags: Interlude, Trust, Trigger Codes, Captain America: Civil War Trailer
Series: Part 2 of Interludes
Summary:

Bucky bolts from the couch, his fists clenching, and Steve motions at everyone to drop back, to leave. “I can’t have anyone inside my head again,” he pleads, “I can’t.”




Taking a short break from the WIP to work on my anxiety and misery issues for all the Civil War trailer stuff.

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Chapter update: Don't Wait Up for Me

Don’t Wait Up for Me (14591 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapter 2: If We Knew You Were Coming, We'd Have Baked a Cake
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes & Sam Wilson
Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, Natasha Romanov
Additional Tags: Closure, Soul-Searching, Friendship, Forget Your Past, Action/Adventure
Summary:

“This was the last place where I knew who Bucky Barnes was. No matter how many times they stuffed the soldier inside me, or tried to rip the old Bucky out, a little bit of him still hung on inside, you know? I just need to see that place where it all changed.”

The way we look to a distant constellation

Last fall I wrote a fic where tiny Steve goes to war through magical realism mumbo-jumbo, and [personal profile] sineala was kind enough to read it, and she got the song "Boy in the Bubble" that I'd used for chapter headings stuck in her head. We kept talking about how it was stuck in our heads far longer than it should be, and that it really, really had to be a Marvel vid. A comics vid, an MCU vid, something, it just really required vidding, and now [personal profile] sholio has made it a Marvel vid--Agent Carter, to be exact! Yay! And what I love about it is that that aspect, the days of miracle and wonder aspect, the weird science and shenanigans and humans are crazy creatures aspect, are at the heart of the vid, which is what's so great about that song, and I'm sure why it popped into my head when I was writing.

And now I'm going to have it stuck in my head for months again, aren't I? [personal profile] sineala, I apologize in advance.

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Vid show?

I was curious--did anyone go to the vid show at Escapade? This is the first year I sent in a vid when I wasn't attending, and I wondered how the vid I sent went over. I haven't heard a word from anyone who was there, so of course have no idea of the audience response, and it sort of disappeared into the ether, so I'm kind of afraid it bombed or something. Ugh.


I have to get myself motivated to vid for Club Vivid, now, too, when I don't really feel like it. I can't believe it's March already and I haven't even started, yikes.

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New vid from Escapade

New vid from Escapade 2016. A HQ DL is at my site here and it's also on Tumblr here.

Civil War trailer clips spoilers ahoy!



Lyrics:

My one heart hurt another
So only one life can't be enough
Can you give me just another
For that one who got away

Lonely I, I'm so alone now

There'll be no rest for the wicked
There's no song for the choir
There's no hope for the weary
If you let them win without a fight

If one heart can mend another
Only then can we begin
So won't you hold on a little longer
Don't let them get away

Lonely I, I'm so alone now

There'll be no rest for the wicked
There's no song for the choir
There's no hope for the weary
If you let them win without a fight
I let my good one down
I let my true love die
I had his heart but I broke it every time

Feedback is adored!

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Out of the past

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